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last week i wrote about creative blocks, aka the thoughts and behaviors that prevent us from doing the work that matters most.

today i’m writing to you with the most honest and vulnerable newsletter i think i’ve ever written. what follows are the words i wish i could have read when i was much younger and struggling to fully commit to my creative practice.

i started working through my creative blocks in 2019, the first time i read the artist’s way. during the 12 week guided program, i named my dream of becoming a successful artist and confronted my fear of failure. i saw a few glimmers of progress and momentum, but something was still off. even when i started working through my blocks—when i stopped overworking and took long breaks from social media and set aside time for my creative practice, there was still something preventing me from deeply connecting with my dream.

this is part 2 of a three-part series where i’m writing about doing the work that matters, why it can be so hard to do this work, and the things i’ve done to get back to center and actually make progress on my life’s work.

last time i defined “the work that matters.”

this week we’re talking about blocks, or why it’s sometimes so hard to do the work that matters most to us.

i use the phrase “doing the work that matters” a lot in these letters. i realize that i should probably clarify what the hell i’m talking about.

so i’ve decided to write a 3 part series around the concept of “doing the work that matters”

1. How I define “work that matters”

2. Why it’s so hard to do this work

3. The only thing that has helped me to prioritize this work and actually make progress, aka the advice i would give my younger self as i struggled to build my art practice over the past 10 years

this is part 1 of the series.

hello friend,

it has been a while since i last sent an email. in the last 6 months a lot has changed! i moved away from home all the way to new york. i turned 30. i stopped wearing makeup, drinking caffeine, and deleted my Instagram and Twitter accounts.

Still Life: Flowers and Fruit by Severin Roesen, 1850-55, on view at the Met

at the beginning of 2022, i dedicated myself to my art practice by promising to work on art for at least 15 minutes every day. i sustained this habit for several months, right up until the move across the country, and then stopped. the truth is that settling into a new place has taken all of my energy. while some of your art practices may thrive amidst chaos, i recognize and accept that mine does not.

Hello hello! I’m going to keep it brief this month because my head is a beehive and I’m struggling to write anything coherent.

This month in the Studio Vlog I talk about the breakthrough mindset shift that happened last year in my creative practice. Turns out laziness was never my problem (and it’s probably not yours either)!!! I was expecting too much out of myself and putting all sorts of pressure on my art to be “good” and “meaningful”. This made me blocked and frustrated.

Instead, I shifted my mindset and started thinking of my art practice as a safe space for big, messy emotions. A space for experiments and mistakes and aimlessness.

Hello friend,

This month I officially started my 2022 goal of making art for at least 15 minutes every day.

As I sit down to practice, I sometimes draw or paint things that don’t turn out how I’d hoped. Ira Glass would call this “the gap”—the uncomfortable space between our taste and our current technical abilities.

I don’t like this gap. I desperately want to fast forward. Get me to the part where I make art that looks and feels good! The part where I’ve found my artistic style!

Hello, happy Sunday, how are you?

The beginning of the year is always full of PLANNING templates and spreadsheets and usually I get very into them.

This year, however, I’m trying something different.

I’ve set only one small daily habit that I’d like to keep for the year—a simple promise to myself.

Hello friend,

Someone once said to me that Decembers are the weekend of the year, and boy do I feel that. I think most of us could take the entire month off and be better for it.

I’ve been craving more space for reflection. To stretch my limbs and take the longest exhale. I want to let the days melt away and greet January’s icy breath with a warm hello.

I recently published an in-depth review of 2021, a tradition I started only last year, but one I’d like to continue. I find that this type of reflection helps to create a cohesive narrative of my life, which feels deeply healing.

Hello hi it’s November!

This summer I felt a surge of creative energy. I started writing again, updated my website, prioritized sending this newsletter on a weekly basis. Painting!

Then, the season changed, and I felt my energy flattening. A big project launched at work, which provided some relief, but then it was right back to our regular cadence. Writing code. Fixing bugs. Meetings. On top of it all, I said yes to a few more social weekend outings than I knew was good for my introvert self.

I spent all of Sunday lying on the couch. Staring at the ceiling. Completely depleted. So much so that I took a mental health day on Monday, where I cut and dyed my hair, took a long bath, and tried to get a few lingering life-to-do items knocked off my list.

This week I’m coming to you with a blog post detailing my experience reading The Artist’s Way.

For those of you who have never heard of , it’s a book and twelve-week creative recovery program written by Julia Cameron. Best-selling author Elizabeth Gilbert has said that would not have been written without the help of .

Earlier this year, I was a mess. I’d wake up ten minutes before work, slither upstairs, and just try to make it through the day. Morning breath and sweatpants included.

I was burning out. Exhausted by 2020. Tired of feeling stuck. Tired of my own bullshit excuses.

Things started to shift when I asked for help. I went to therapy and some of the ice melted around my heart.

Slowly, I started journaling more, writing down the kind of life and career I really wanted to build. I began looking for new jobs that aligned with my vision. I hired a career coach.

Hello friend,

This week I abruptly decided to take a social media sabbatical. After feeling a bit too tethered of late, I chose to log off.

For the first few days, I stared at my phone for seemingly the same amount of time as if I still had Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter installed. I kept turning toward the screen like a phantom limb.

Good morning. Happy Sunday.

A few days ago I rearranged the downstairs living / art space.

Before, I wasn’t making art there because it was cluttered and inaccessible. Now, it’s much easier to sit down and start making. Bonus: the TV / record listening space is now a lot more cozy.

Hello friends,

This week I published a list of my six favorite creative manifestos, principles, rules, whatever you want to call them!

Here’s the list:

Sometimes when I’m out running errands, I get hungry. Hangry even. Tummy growling, headache mounting. My brow furrows. I start rushing to get things done. Instead of stopping to eat, or buying myself a snack, I tell myself to power through. “There’s food at home,” I say.

I never thought much of my hangry errand trips until I read Julia Cameron’s description of self-destructive behaviors:

The question “Are you self-destructive?” is asked so frequently that we seldom hear it accurately. What it means is And what that really asks us is

Thanks to Reddit, I have a theory about Spongebob.

The theory is that we all come into the world as Spongebob—excited and imaginative—and then, as life happens, we morph into Squidward—disillusioned and grumpy.

Hello hi how are you?

It’s September!?!?

Hello friends,

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about healing. What does transformative healing look like within myself? What does it look like to heal relationships with others?

About a year ago, I twisted my ankle and fell down a few stairs. For whatever reason, my hands didn’t catch the fall and I landed face-first on a rock, busting my lip.

I went to the hospital to make sure I didn’t need stitches on the inside of my mouth. I didn’t. In this instance, healing looked like taking it easy for a few weeks. Resting my ankle and waiting for the swelling in my face to go down.

Hello friends,

I’m excited to report that the stickers I designed are available now on Kickstarter!

Hello friends!

Just popping in for an exciting announcement: I’m launching a very small Kickstarter tomorrow!

You can follow this to see the pre-launch page and click “Notify me on launch” to follow along!

Yesterday, a friend sent me a short documentary about Mourning Doves. This video was special because it featured her grandfather. It was produced in 1959.

Hello friends,

I’ll keep it short and sweet because I’ve been really enjoying my time off this past week and I want to get back to relaxing + designing some cool stickers.

This week I published my 2020 year-in-review and 2021 preview. Check it out if that’s something you might be into!

I’ve struggled with imposter syndrome ever since I decided to become a designer, which dates back to 2014.

My flavor of imposter syndrome looks something like this:

• Because I didn’t get a design degree, I’ll never be a “real” designer.

For some reason, I’m feeling more creative lately. The feeling started in late November. I picked myself up and started writing 750 words a day. As I write this now, it’s 12 days into this month and I’ve written every day.

This happens to me. I go through cycles. Cycles of feeling energized and creative followed by cycles of feeling exhausted and unmotivated. In 2019, I went through an entire year of burnout 😮

I understand this to be normal. Even though most of the resources online are trying to tell us to “optimize our productivity” and hack our way to our most creative self, we are human. Our biology makes us much closer to a tree, that sheds its leaves in winter and flowers in the summer, than a robot with pre-programmed consistency.

But I am trying to better understand my personal cycles.

Look, I’m a nerd for organizational systems and project management.

I love having a place for ideas and a system for executing them. I love Notion, Google Drive, to-do apps, the whole shebang. On a daily basis, I even use these daily time-blocking templates by illustrator Deborah Ho.

But one thing I can never get into, is habit tracking.

My holiday looked different this year, as I’m sure it did for many of you. I cooked food and dropped it off for my parents and sister. Made time for a couple video calls with family and friends. Worried about someone I know who is in the hospital with Covid. Waited by my phone for updates. Ate a metric ton of homemade macaroni and cheese (my Nana’s recipe).

Despite all of the sickness and death that has marked this year, I’m still finding so many things to be grateful for. Here is a short list…

1. Time and space to be more thoughtful about, and critical of, the Thanksgiving holiday.

If you’re like me, you probably have an abundance of interests and creative project ideas. I used to get caught up trying to “follow my passion” before realizing that advice would never work for me. I’m multi-passionate, and I describe myself as a multipotentialite.

A multipotentialite is someone with many interests and creative pursuits. It stems from the word multipotentiality–a psychological and educational term used to describe people who display aptitudes across multiple disciplines.

In today’s world of online business and social media, there are a lot of resources out there teaching us how to “define our personal brand.”

I used to love this concept. Probably because I’m a designer, and I love branding things! In fact, one of my favorite CreativeLive courses taught by Debbie Millman is called A Brand Called You.

But after struggling through a year of burnout in 2019, I came to the important realization that I am not a brand. I am a person. I struggle with overwhelm, perfectionism, and self-doubt. I need rest and movement and lots of food and water.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my relationship with technology. Like many of you, I use a variety of apps, websites, and digital tools to manage projects, listen to music, connect with friends, shop, and get food delivered to my doorstep.

But what if, instead of technology helping us to be more productive, it encouraged us to be more human? What if our phones weren’t designed to be distracting, but instead devices for connection and empathy? How would we spend our time, and our lives, differently?

Most often, I think that technology is trying to afford us humans the freedom and flexibility to spend less time on the tedious stuff. Logically, then we will have more time for the “important” stuff.

But instead, we work more. Perhaps even making up more tedious tasks to fill the time.

Hello friends,

Do you have a difficult time describing yourself to other people? You tend to word vomit whenever someone asks what you do?

I struggle with this. Like a lot. I describe myself with too many words. Designer, artist, software developer, maker, creative, etc.

Hello friends,

I’m still in-between projects. It’s uncomfortable, as I’m the kind of person who always likes to be doing something.

In , I talked about letting your feelings guide your decision-making process when it comes to choosing your next creative passion project. Right now, I’m letting myself feel uncomfortable, and letting my next project start organically instead of jumping into something new before it feels right.

Hello friends,

How do you prioritize the next creative project to work on?

I’m currently working through this process myself, as I’m almost done building a website for a client.

I’ve started taking on more responsibility at work. And while it feels good to be recognized for my skill and earned knowledge, I find myself completely drained at the end of each work day.

I’m an empath and a natural leader. I feel my feminine and masculine energies doing their best to work together, trying to balance managing everyone’s emotions with the work that needs to get done. It’s exhausting.

I asked my friends, other women in tech, how they nurture their feminine energy while working in a masculine-heavy environment, i.e. any workplace operating within capitalism.

Here were some of their suggestions:

Hi friends,

I used to read dozens of articles and self-help books about how to be more productive. But last year, I hit complete burnout and decided to quit “productivity” cold turkey.

Turns out that optimizing my life to allow myself to work more only left me feeling drained, inadequate, and overwhelmed.

So I threw out all of the traditional productivity literature and hit unsubscribe on the motivational newsletters. I’ve replaced the time I previously spent obsessing over productivity hacks with fiction, bird watching, and baking. Oh and I’ve even started writing again! (This time with more joy and less pressure.)

Hello friends,

I had one of those tough existential weeks. Spent too much time wondering “what is the point?” and worrying that life is passing me by.

So I’m taking some time to reset, recharge, and connect with my creative purpose.

Here’s what my personal reset + recharge routine looks like:

Hello friends,

I recently published How to launch a creative passion project today without feeling overshelmed. In 6 simple steps, you could be on your way to making real, steps toward building a meaningful creative project.

Hello friends,

This week I tweaked my back. I wasn’t doing anything athletic or impressive, but nonetheless found myself kneeling on the kitchen floor with a red-hot pain spreading from the base of my spine upward.

I stretched in between virtual meetings. Rolling around on the floor while the cat watched (and judged) was a humbling experience.

The next day it felt a little better. I met up with my cousin, who also happens to be one of my best friends. We went for a walk along the river. I saw a Coromander, several flying Snowy Egrets, and two Cooper’s Hawks. Have I mentioned that I’ve become a birding hobbyist?!

Hello friends,

I have been quiet for too long.

Due to my privilege as a white woman in America, I simply do not have to confront racism in my daily life. I wanted to ignore it. To push it off as someone else’s problem to solve.

My silence ends now.

“We do not learn from experience, we learn from reflecting on experience.” 

— John Dewey

Have you ever tried to start a journaling practice but failed to make it a habit? ✋

Hello friend,

I recently came across this photo series of remote office desk setups. I love seeing other people’s spaces, especially ones where they do creative work.

I thought it would be fun to share my at-home creative space.

Hello friends,

It’s been tough, hasn’t it? Here’s a snippet I wrote in my journal back in March:

Day 23982 of quarantine (ok, it’s actually day 19). I opened the windows to let the outside in. I went on a walk and touched a pile of white petals that had blown into the gutter. A friend said I shouldn’t touch things on the ground and she’s right. But I couldn’t resist their softness. AJ, my partner of 6 years, plays computer games on the weekends and I fall asleep to the blue glow and of a mechanical keyboard. I’ve already made all the FaceTime calls. I repotted the plants. I mended the clothes. I’m tired of cooking. I miss standing in someone else’s kitchen and talking about nothing in particular. I miss coffee shops and bowling alleys. I wonder if there will ever be a time in the future when I’m not thinking so much about germs.

Hi friends,

It’s been weird. I spent the weekend at home, flitting between calling family members and working on projects that I have some control over. One of those projects was switching this email list from Mailchimp to Buttondown and building a new home for my writing. All of this sort of feels pointless with everything that’s happening in the world, but I enjoyed the time spent playing around with new web technologies. I’m hoping the simplicity of Buttondown allows me to connect with you all more frequently, which feels right. I believe that now is the best time to add a little more creativity to our lives, which is what this newsletter is for!