It's been tough, hasn't it? Here's a snippet I wrote in my journal back in March:
Day 23982 of quarantine (ok, it's actually day 19). I opened the windows to let the outside in. I went on a walk and touched a pile of white petals that had blown into the gutter. A friend said I shouldn't touch things on the ground and she's right. But I couldn't resist their softness. AJ, my partner of 6 years, plays computer games on the weekends and I fall asleep to the blue glow and click clack of a mechanical keyboard. I've already made all the FaceTime calls. I repotted the plants. I mended the clothes. I'm tired of cooking. I miss standing in someone else's kitchen and talking about nothing in particular. I miss coffee shops and bowling alleys. I wonder if there will ever be a time in the future when I'm not thinking so much about germs.
The company I work for laid off 11 employees. The rest of us got a 13% pay cut. Still, I am one of the lucky ones. Lucky to not be deemed essential. Lucky to be inside, working and getting paid from my kitchen counter. Lucky to be doing terrible yoga in the living room.
I worry so much about my parents—concerned that they're not taking social distancing seriously enough and that they will get sick.
I'm trying to pay attention to the abundance, but it is hard. I don't have any answers, but I do have two poems about oranges that felt important to share:
Abundance by Amy Schmidt
It's impossible to be lonely
when you're zesting an orange.
Scrape the soft rind once
and the whole room
fills with fruit.
Look around: you have
more than enough.
You just didn't notice
The Orange by Wendy Cope
At lunchtime I bought a huge orange-
The size of it made us all laugh.
I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave—
They got quarters and I had a half.
And that orange, it made me so happy,
As ordinary things often do
Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park.
This is peace and contentment. It’s new.
The rest of the day was quite easy.
I did all the jobs on my list
And enjoyed them and had some time over.
I love you. I’m glad I exist.