The Weekly Whatever: I got ya bird right here
Crapto
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Cryptocurrency platform that offered 43% returns on investment suddenly offers 0% chance of withdrawing your money.
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First Bitcoin ETF has burned through $1.2b of investors’ money, setting an all time record for most value lost in a fund’s first year.
Melon SKU
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The Chief Twit pulls in Tesla software engineers to do code reviews at Twitter, to replace the people he illegally fired.
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After one of his Tweets gets fact checked, he has the fact check deleted.
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After claiming “Comedy is now legal on Twitter”, he turns around and institutes a new policy of permanent bans with no warning for anyone satirizing him without clearly labeling it as parody. Ironically, his pals at the Babylon Bee filed an amicus brief with the Supreme Court supporting the right to parody without labeling it as parody.
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Twitter is ordered to cut its operating expenses by $1b a year. By a stunning coincidence, that’s how much it’s going to cost to pay the interest on the loans taken out to buy the company.
Everything else
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Republican candidate in Texas wrote “The Lost Diary of Anne Frank”, in which she finds Jesus while in Auschwitz and Bergen-Belsen and converts to Christianity just before being murdered by the Nazis
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🦆 Doctor who claimed COVID-19 vaccines made people magnetic may have her license to practice medicine revoked.
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A Mondrian painting has been hanging upside-down for 75 years without anyone noticing. Unfortunately, it’ll now have to keep hanging upside-down to avoid damage.
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New add-on for The Sims adds realistic everyday clutter to your Sims’ homes.
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It turns out that reducing partisan vitriol and polarization doesn’t make people any less likely to want to violently prevent their opponents from voting.