The Weekly Whatever: We all live in a FAFO submarine
Brought to you by WiWi pajamas. Don't forget WiWi before bed.
Titanica
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Too soon for jokes about the Titan? Look at how newspapers of the time snarked about the Titanic.
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The Daily Mail, which is totally a serious newspaper and not a joke of a tabloid, offers this headline: "'Your stepdad is lost at sea!' California man whose billionaire stepfather is on missing sub asks OnlyFans model to sit on him 30 minutes after pleading for prayers, as he triggers war of words with Cardi B over Blink-182 concert".
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Four days before the Titan imploded, 700 people died when the Adriana sank. Did you hear about that?
Food
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Scientists feed rats Froot Loops and then monitor their penises. (The rats', not the scientists'.)
$8chan
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Twitter starts paying its overdue Google Cloud bills; Mr "Free Speech Absolutist" declares that "cis" is a slur and will not be tolerated on the site.
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Twitter's employment contracts demanded forced arbitration and prevented collective lawsuits. Now 2,000 employees have filed separate arbitration claims and the company is really upset that they have to handle each one separately, with separate discovery, in varying locations across the country.
Environment
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The Ogallala Aquifer provides the water for 30% of America's industrial agriculture across eight states, as well as the drinking water for 82% of the people who live above it. It's being emptied 10x as quickly as it can be replenished, and it will start running dry in some places in the next decade.
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Half of Americans have experienced extreme weather in the last six weeks, and it's going to get worse.
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Meteorologist resigns after receiving death threats over reporting that extreme weather is due to global warming.
Law and order
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Georgia police use a photo of a black man for target practice, and post the photo to their Facebook page.
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Texas passes a law overruling regulations that say that construction workers must be given water breaks.
Other news
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Fox News is outright fabricating quotes.
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OpenAI: "We think that regulatory intervention by governments will be critical to mitigate the risks of increasingly powerful models." Also OpenAI: "By itself, GPT-3 is not a high-risk system" and doesn't need regulation.
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Finally, a robot dog with a flamethrower.