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Admitting that the real is absent, that our lives can only be experienced in the past tense, and that the foundation of home is disrupted by the opposing fluctuation between the desire of the present & the perishing of the past, exile then emerges as the grounding mode of consciousness. —Dylan Trigg, The Memory of Place: A Phenomenology of the Uncanny

Hi friends and comrades,

I am sick. Just with a cold thank goodness but it’s shocking to me that over a year in this pandemic and having my first vaccine dose doesn’t mean I get a break from the common cold. The audacity!

imathers: i just really want this to work out, whatever ‘this’ is and however long it takes.

Through no fault of my own besides falling in love with someone, I somehow ended up living in the Florida of Canada. You know how I know this? Because I was born and raised in Florida. It hasn’t been perfect there; spring break was observed in 2020 and 2021 and the governor is decidedly Not Good. It’s also where my abuela living in a long term care home contracted COVID and died just a few days later. But they’re getting people vaccinated faster than Ontario which is on its third lockdown with the slowest vaccine rollout known to mankind and surging cases and ICU beds filled and deaths and not prioritizing vaccinating essential workers and education staff. Shit’s bad, it’s really bad. I’ve gotten my first vaccine dose and won’t get the next until late July; even fully vaccinated, I’ll still have to be careful as I’m immunosuppressed so I’m expecting more time in my apartment.

cw: money, mental illness, addiction

my dad in Camagüey, Cuba, 1958

cw: money, abuse, corporal punishment, class

I was four years old the first time I really ever thought about money. My parents took me and my six-year-old cousin to Disney World for the weekend in my grandparents’ van. My cousin and I folded the back seats into a bed and laid on our stomachs looking out the back windshield as my dad flew up the turnpike. We spent the first day at Epcot, a night in a Days Inn, and the second and last day at Magic Kingdom. This second day became the stuff of family lore, something everyone told with a laugh, including me for most of my life.

derek jarman’s prospect cottage ie my dream home

Hi, I’m glad you’re here. I just wanted to send a quick note to check in with everyone since to .

my mom in red pants in Mexico, 1979

cw: death, grief, moms, complicated grief

unrelated to today’s story but just very necessary. please stay home and don’t travel. please.

cw: parental relationship, emotional abuse, body image, ED

Was your week good? Meh? That’s ok, time to look at cool stuff.

For you, is the first day of the week Sunday or Monday? I always thought it was Sunday but maybe I’m wrong. Stuff I’m Into Right Now is a weekly roundup of the stuff I’m into at the moment; this very week you might say. Almost the moodboard or notebook of all the aesthetic random stuff that makes up my current state of thinking. My inbox is always open to suggestions for stuff I would be into. Let’s go.