hello and welcome to my weblog. last night i watched drive angry (2011).
this movie feels like someone asked a middle school boy what they thought the coolest movie ever would be. nic cage plays “john milton” (lol) who escapes from hell by stealing the devil’s gun that can kill god and then jumping over a river of lava in a late 1960s american muscle car. he escapes to rescue his infant granddaughter from jonah king, a mildly charismatic southern satanist who murdered nic cage’s daughter (the infant’s mother) and allegedly lost his penis in the process. king intends to kill the infant as part of a ritual to open the gates of hell but according to “the accountant”, a psychopomp charged with hunting nic cage’s character down and returning him to hell, the ritual won’t accomplish anything except that satan will be bummed out that somebody killed another baby in his name. nic cage is joined in this cross-country hunt by a waitress named piper whose main motivation appears to be ennui.
at one point in this movie, nic cage’s character is having sex with a woman he met at a roadhouse and he is fully clothed and when she asks him about this, he says “i never disrobe before a gunfight” in the extremely affected way that nic cage says everything meant to sound profound. immediately after this, satanists armed mostly with farm implements attack the room in groups of two and nic cages shoots them all. they are still having sex during this shootout.