đ Book Notes: Quiet - The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
Here are my notes from Quiet - The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking:
Bits
- Introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating.
- You can be shy and courageous.
- “It’s not that I’m so smart,” said Einstein, who was a consummate introvert. “It’s that I stay with problems longer.”
- Organize your life in terms of optimal levels of arousal.
- Introverts are capable of acting like extroverts for the sake of work they consider important, people they love, or anything they value highly.
Bytes
- In the Culture of Character, the ideal self was serious, disciplined, and honorable. What counted was not so much the impression one made in public as how one behaved in private. But when they embraced the Culture of Personality, Americans started to focus on how others perceived them. They became captivated by people who were bold and entertaining. The social role demanded of all in the new Culture of Personality was that of a performer.
- Consider what Wozniak did right after the meeting in Menlo Park. Did he huddle with fellow club members to work on computer design? No. Did he seek out a big, open office space full of cheerful pandemonium in which ideas would cross-pollinate? No. When you read his account of his work process on that first PC, the most striking thing is that he was always by himself.
- Whatâs so magical about solitude? In many fields, Ericsson told me, itâs only when youâre alone that you can engage in Deliberate Practice, which he has identified as the key to exceptional achievement. When you practice deliberately, you identify the tasks or knowledge that are just out of your reach, strive to upgrade your performance, monitor your progress, and revise accordingly. Practice sessions that fall short of this standard are not only less usefulâtheyâre counterproductive. They reinforce existing cognitive mechanisms instead of improving them.
- Some years ago I decided that I wanted to conquer my fear of public speaking. After much hemming and hawing, I signed up for a workshop at the Public SpeakingâSocial Anxiety Center of New York. I had my doubts; I felt like a garden-variety shy person, and I didnât like the pathological sound of the term âsocial anxiety.â But the class was based on desensitization training, an approach that made sense to me. Often used as a way to conquer phobias, desensitization involves exposing yourself (and your amygdala) to the thing youâre afraid of over and over again, in manageable doses. This is very different from the well-meaning but unhelpful advice that you should just jump in at the deep end and try to swimâan approach that might work, but more likely will produce panic, further encoding in your brain a cycle of dread, fear, and shame.
- We tend to think of coolness as a pose that you strike with a pair of sunglasses, a nonchalant attitude, and drink in hand. But maybe we didnât choose these social accessories at random. Maybe weâve adopted dark glasses, relaxed body language, and alcohol as signifiers precisely because they camouflage signs of a nervous system on overdrive. Sunglasses prevent others from seeing our eyes dilate with surprise or fear; we know from Kaganâs work that a relaxed torso is a hallmark of low reactivity; and alcohol removes our inhibitions and lowers our arousal levels. When you go to a football game and someone offers you a beer, says the personality psychologist Brian Little, âtheyâre really saying hi, have a glass of extroversion.â
- Itâs not that thereâs no small talk, observes Strickland, the leader of the gathering. Itâs that it comes not at the beginning of conversations but at the end. In most settings, people use small talk as a way of relaxing into a new relationship, and only once theyâre comfortable do they connect more seriously. Sensitive people seem to do the reverse. They âenjoy small talk only after theyâve gone deep,â says Strickland. âWhen sensitive people are in environments that nurture their authenticity, they laugh and chitchat just as much as anyone else.
- Four-month-olds who thrashed their arms like punk rockers did so not because they were extroverts in the making, but because their little bodies reacted strongly-they were “high-reactive”-to new sights, sounds, and smells. The quiet infants were silent not because they were future introverts-just the opposite-but because they had nervous systems that were unmoved by novelty.
- There are three key steps to identifying your own core personal projects. First, think back to what you loved to do when you were a child. How did you answer the question of what you wanted to be when you grew up? The specific answer you gave may have been off the mark, but the underlying impulse was not. If you wanted to be a fireman, what did a fireman mean to you? A good man who rescued people in distress? A daredevil? Or the simple pleasure of operating a truck? If you wanted to be a dancer, was it because you got to wear a costume, or because you craved applause, or was it the pure joy of twirling around at lightning speed? You may have known more about who you were then than you do now. Second, pay attention to the work you gravitate to. At my law firm I never once volunteered to take on an extra corporate legal assignment, but I did spend a lot of time doing pro bono work for a nonprofit womenâs leadership organization. I also sat on several law firm committees dedicated to mentoring, training, and personal development for young lawyers in the firm. Now, as you can probably tell from this book, I am not the committee type. But the goals of those committees lit me up, so thatâs what I did. Finally, pay attention to what you envy. Jealousy is an ugly emotion, but it tells the truth. You mostly envy those who have what you desire.
- Itâs because of relationship honoring, for example, that social anxiety disorder in Japan, known as taijin kyofusho, takes the form not of excessive worry about embarrassing oneself, as it does in the United States, but of embarrassing others. Itâs because of relationship-honoring that Tibetan Buddhist monks find inner peace (and off-the-chart happiness levels, as measured in brain scans) by meditating quietly on compassion. And itâs because of relationship-honoring that Hiroshima victims apologized to each other for surviving. âTheir civility has been well documented but still stays the heart,â writes the essayist Lydia Millet. â âI am sorry,â said one of them, bowing, with the skin of his arms peeling off in strips. âI regret I am still alive while your baby is not.â âI am sorry,â another said earnestly, with lips swollen to the size of oranges, as he spoke to a child weeping beside her dead mother. âI am so sorry that I was not taken instead.â
- Figure out what you are meant to contribute to the world and make sure you contribute it. If this requires public speaking or networking or other activities that make you uncomfortable, do them anyway. But accept that theyâre difficult, get the training you need to make them easier, and reward yourself when youâre done.
If you liked the above content, I’d definitely recommend reading the whole book. đŻ
Until We Meet Again…
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