The Edge
I haven’t written anything in a while. I just finished a Master’s and have a lot of thoughts running through my head, so I thought I would jot things down.
There is a quote from Bob Voulgaris I’ve been thinking about a lot recently. In an ESPN the Magazine piece:
Despite it all, Voulgaris faces the same issue that all sharps face: the sustainability of his edge, no matter how sophisticated the model that produces it. When he returned to gambling for the 2010-11 season, Voulgaris says Ewing clocked an ROI of more than 6 percent. By 2011-12, it had fallen to 5.14 percent. Of course, the lockout-shortened season made for a bizarre outlier year, and Voulgaris and the Whiz had to adjust. Basically they subtracted a varying amount from the scores Ewing gave them, trying to account for the rust that kept scoring low at the start of the season, and the compressed number of games that later fatigued players – and also kept scoring low – toward the end of the season. But the limits of Ewing were apparent to Voulgaris. Already he sensed the inevitable. “We’re probably already at the point where my capability to make money is decreasing every year,” he says. “Every time you make a bet, you’re educating the people taking the bets. They’re learning the right way to make a line. They figure s – out based on what you’ve already figured out.”
The idea is that to be successful in your own life, you have to have some sort of edge that you can take advantage of. For example, 10 years ago I wanted to be a sports writer. I think I could have done it for a living if I pursued it, but it would have required me to figure out how to stand out above everyone else. Whether you like him or not, Skip Bayless stands out as a controversial figure who says outlandish things every day. I loathe him, but it is what it is. Not saying that’s what everyone should aspire to be, but generally speaking he can ride out this niche until his time is over.
The edge keeps you moving forward. You need to keep up with the times and keep learning. The second you don’t have that energy is the second the clock is ticking on you being replaced. This is of course dependent on how much need there is in your space. If supply is low and demand is high, you won’t have to worry as much.
Related to graduation, I think for the longest time I was trying to find some sort of edge without really trying to work hard at it. I think it was more that I wasn’t sure what made sense to me or what I was interested in doing. Finishing up school has made me feel a sort of checkpoint in life. For the last few years, I don’t think anything of what I was doing for my career made any sort of sense, and I definitely didn’t feel like it was contributing to society in a productive way. I left NYC 2 years ago like, what the fuck am I doing and what am I going to be doing with my life?
The last two years, it was like this rush to make it. Stressing out and always worrying about something and thinking I had some work to do, and then making things worse by pushing myself over my limits because when I do something I can’t just do it at like 0.25x speed. I have to do it at 2-3x.
It also ended up working out because I have noticed about myself that when I get something, I really get it and get into it and deeply think about various aspects. I feel that way about my current role, and I think because my job as an IT project manager was aligned to my Master’s, it was like this feedback loop for 16 hours a day. I couldn’t turn it off.
For better and worse, it was what it was. Somehow, I am at a place where I actually did something relevant with my degree, and currently have a 1-1.5 years of experience in the field. I have about $10k of Master’s loans left. I’m in a great place, and I feel it. I want to give myself more room for positive reinforcement to take advantage of this time of my life where I feel things going upwards.
After walking the stage at commencement, I felt this weight come off my shoulders. Like, everything worked out and would be fine. And for the first time in a long time, I can finally take some deep breaths and not feel stressed. That I can just do my task in front of me and not have to worry about going home at night and have some discussion to do or assignment to start/finish.
And so I took some time off this weekend to get really drunk and relish in not having any stress on a weekend. I started thinking about what my next edge would be, but only briefly. I have an idea of what it might be. If it doesn’t work out, that’s fine too.
Right now, I just want to work on self-care and enjoying this moment. I have an interview for another Master’s program tomorrow, and I’ll do my best. But, I’m also content just focusing on myself and the things I’ve put off caring about for a bit. And working on my sleep schedule.