Performing
We are expected to be and act a certain way. And when we act differently, we get nervous like we’re doing something wrong. It makes us anxious, wondering if it was the right decision.
But none of this could be further from what’s actually right, which is fully being yourself.
We are supposed to play a certain role in a relationship. We are supposed to sit a certain way at our desks. We are supposed to talk a certain way at work. We are supposed to dress or look a certain way all the time.
For what? To seek validation from others?
That if I wear a suit and sit up instead of slouching and wearing what’s comfortable to me, that someone might respect me more? And take my opinion more seriously? That I’m more capable?
This act of performance is everywhere. In some cases it’s necessary, like a teacher having a hard day personally but trying their best to put on a smile for their students. But in our personal lives, we shouldn’t have to act or be something or speak a certain way that isn’t aligned with who we are and what we want or need.
When I speak of performing in a relationship, I don’t mean to say one shouldn’t do the dishes or clean the bathroom. That’s gross. I mean that we shouldn’t hold our significant others up to impossible standards like they need to be something that they aren’t. Or that you have to tell unnatural stories to make it seem like you’re doing better than the couples in front of you. You and y'all are great as you are.
The common thread in all of that is this sense of falling behind. That you’re keeping up your appearance of keeping it together.
Your appearance doesn’t matter to me. Your façade doesn’t make any sense to me. The lies we tell ourselves anger me, and the stories we tell to defend those lies are even more stupid.
Just be yourself. There’s nothing more badass. If people accept you for it, those are the genuinely good people. If they don’t, well, they don’t really matter, do they?