Letter
I always wanted to try a thing where I write a letter to my past self or a future child. This is the one I was thinking about this week.
Dear past self or future child,
The world is a scary place. I am currently 27 years old and I am struggling to keep things together. Or at least, I feel that way. My counselor and friends say I’m doing great. Alas, this is a never-ending problem you’ll have.
You know that feeling where you want to succeed, but the path to get there is a struggle? And if you don’t succeed or see things through to the end, you’ll feel like you were a quitter or a failure? That never goes away.
It’s all relative. What might seem like struggling for you might be a lot more than someone else can ever imagine handling. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. People quit things all the time. This is much easier said than done, but think about the things that you like doing or make you feel comfortable. Keep doing those things. If there ever comes a day where it becomes burdensome to you, it’s ok to say you don’t want to do that anymore and want to try something new. And while you figure out what that something new is, it’s ok if you do nothing instead and it takes you a long time to figure it out.
At the age of 27, I feel I know less and less every day, but I am content with that. What you’ll find is that people’s opinions or personalities are formulated by the experiences they’ve had growing up. For example, my current girlfriend doesn’t understand why I would want to have a room for our parents in my future house so they can come and go as they please, or allow them to babysit instead of sending the children to daycare. She comes from a small family, I come from a massive family. We have our differences, but we will figure these things out and work on them together. The important thing is to be able to pick and choose your battles and decide what actually matters to you. If something is bothering you simply because it’s a little off from what you know, it’s ok to brush it off and imagine it as just another cloud in the sky passing by. If something is egregiously wrong from what you know is right, stand up for yourself and speak up. Chances are the other person doesn’t have your perspective and would benefit from hearing it.
I wish I did that more growing up. I always thought people were smarter than me and that I was wrong or stupid. But don’t worry, that feeling also never goes away. The key is in your character and your personality. If you’re open to learning and you’re a nice person, people will be happy to take time to help you and walk you through a problem. You just have to ask them in a nice way.
For example, my supervisor recently told me that my thinking level should be somewhere in between the highest person in the office and person lowest on the totem pole who is starting their career (assume it’s an unpaid college intern for this case) working his or her way up. I don’t need to know everything that’s going on. It’s impossible for me to know how to do everything in an IT office. Well, it’s possible, but if I spend my time trying to master everything, will it have been worth my time?
Focus on what’s in front of you and what you can handle. In As You Like It, William Shakespeare once wrote, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts.” I play many different roles in my life. I am a man, a son, a project manager at work, a student at school, a boyfriend to my girlfriend, a friend to my friends, and surely many other things. However, I don’t need to be a project manager to my friends. You can pull your lessons from each since at the end of the day, we learn from each interaction we have with different people. Yet, it is important to separate yourself. Have fun when it’s time to have fun. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
The most important thing I think you should know when I’m writing this to you is how to picture learning.
Think of learning like an accordion. When someone plays the accordion, they have to squeeze in and then release. Squeeze in and then release. Learning is very similar.
Think about how big of a deal it was for you to learn what the concept of addition was. Learning that 1+1 magically made the number 2. Then think about learning that 2+2 magically made the number 4. And 4+4 = 8. And 8+8 = 16.
It’s so thrilling, isn’t it?
But to get to 16, you had to first get to 1, and then 2, and then 4, and then 8.
What will seem like a big deal to you when you first learn something, in the grand scheme of things, is somewhat small and helping you work towards something bigger. Take in the lessons now, and watch yourself grow without even realizing it. It’s an amazing feeling and it never gets old.
So once you’re done squeezing in that 8+8 = 16, think of the accordion and release. Think of how 16 fits into the rest of your life and how you can use that to help you make sense of the rest of the world.
You will never stop learning, so you shouldn’t be afraid to learn. Quite the opposite! You should be excited to learn at every possible opportunity. And not everything you learn will be the most important thing you ever learn. What you learn today could set you up to learn something super important many months down the road. Or you could learn a small fact which you’ll never need again.
I think about learning how to ask for the right color marker in kindergarten. I think about learning how to make a logical argument in 10th grade. I think about learning how to stand up for myself and my beliefs at 27. And now being able to use my words to build relationships with friends or family and convey to them how important they are to me and how much I love them.
It took a long time for me to get to this point, but I’m here. I still have a long way to go, of course, but I grow more content with myself with each passing day as I learn to love myself and accept that I don’t have control over everything. You have a bright future ahead of you. Just don’t stop. Unless if you lose interest, but that’s fine too .