Big Truth, Little Truth
I’m working on a project right now and something simple happened that made a light go off for me. Or at least, it sent my blood pressure and stress levels up.
For the last couple of weeks, I’d been knocking out a lot of tasks, but I wasn’t knocking out the big one. Because things are hectic and we convince ourselves we’re busy, it’s easy to fall into that trap. The one where emailing people, setting up meetings, meeting people, and keeping up with that seems like half of your job.
Then, one person emails you saying they need a status report/executive summary for one project and another person says they need a schedule/timeline for another, and all those little things you did end up meaning not as much because you’d have been better off prioritizing. Things would have fallen into place anyway.
That’s the thing. When you move the biggest stone first, all the little things rapidly fall into place. It’s kind of like how if you have your lifestyle/regiment and priorities and stick to it no matter what, most people will understand and you’ll find a time that works best for you both later down the road. Whereas if you are always on other people’s time, you won’t have a firm grasp on yourself and you likely won’t be a happy person (these are extremes, there’s obviously the middle of the road). Things aren’t always as pressing as they make themselves seem. You just don’t want to feel bad about saying no to someone or not helping them.
The question then becomes, why do you have a hard time saying no?
Everything starts with me (and if you’re reading this, it starts with you). No matter what truths I tell myself, if I don’t get to the heart of my problems, I am only telling truths that I want to hear. They’re not wrong, but they’re not the right truths. In the instance above, I am telling myself that I am doing good work by knocking all of these little things out, or I want to help someone so I can feel like I’m important and accomplishing something… but the elephant is still in the room.
First and foremost, it takes practice and a long look in the mirror to say that you’re at fault for something. That’s a big hurdle in itself. Once you get over that, you have to correctly point out what you’re really at fault for that’s significantly impacting people around you. Maybe it’s impeding their progress, maybe it’s taking a toll on their emotions, or maybe you’re just in their head because you’re being a negative person.
Once you realize what the big issue is, talk to the person it impacts. Let them know what’s on your mind and how you’re going to act on it. They’re probably a normal, nice person, so they’ll be receptive and welcome the communication.
After you’re done finding the right truth, it’ll have a ripple effect on the little ones. As a result, at the end of the obstacle, you’ll feel a lot better with yourself.