Being less stressed and more happy in 2019
I don’t like listicles, but this ended up becoming one. I’ve spent the last year really thinking about every little thing in my daily life, and figuring out how I can make it better or to my liking at the least. My soft resolution for 2019 is to work on handling stress better and generally trying to be happier. I know that sounds like a joke of a goal, but I noticed two things:
- When you’re overwhelmed with a lot of things happening at once, it’s like being a frog in a pot of boiling water. You don’t notice things building up at all until you’ve taken a break or finished everything. This is also where having systems in place really helps for when you have to fall back on habits. If your habits are poor (like mine have always been!), then it is so easy to fall back on chocolate to make you feel better.
- When you are receiving a positive feedback loop, everything in your life starts to get better. So why intentionally make things difficult on yourself when you can just live happier, and significantly reduce your stressful moments? Plus, if you’re generally happier all the time, you’ll be able to better handle the stressful moments.
I thought I’d share what I’ve come up with to try including in my schedule/life. I’ll make a list first, and then expand on each below (so you can see what you need to without scrolling more). In no particular order:
- Sleep well and properly.
- Practice deep breathing and/or meditation and/or stretch.
- Have a spa/self-care day.
- Write down what bothers you. And depending on what type of person you are:
- a. Never go back and read what you write.
- b. Go back and read what you write once in a while to see how much you’ve grown.
- Seeing a counselor.
- Reducing alcohol intake or other negative things.
- Giving yourself credit more often.
- Practicing self-affirmation more often.
- Spending time with a loved one/meeting up with a friend you love and talking.
- Giving, no matter how small (like cupcakes at work).
- Removing minor barriers/inconveniences.
- Being a consumer and buying yourself something.
- a. Have a delayed gratification list.
- Removing clutter.
- Putting things in a specific spot (like having a “go drawer).
- Take in more magnesium (bananas, supplements, taking a bath with bath salts).
- Removing/reducing social media/phone usage.
- Exercising.
- Doing anything you just genuinely like to do.
Sleep well and properly
This is key. I learned that our body’s sleep cycle operates in 90 minute cycles. Sleeping for 8 hours is actually not ideal because you’d be waking up mid-cycle and thus be more groggy as a result. We should aim to be asleep for 7.5 hours instead (1.5 hours, 3, 4.5, 6, 7.5, 9). I am trying to make a habit of going to sleep by no later than 10 PM and waking up at 5:30 AM.
Also, invest in a mattress, pillow, and blanket you'll love. It makes such a huge difference.
Practice deep breathing and/or meditation and/or stretch
I am not one to meditate, I don’t find that it necessarily works for me. However, I am a huge fan of focused deep breathing. I want to do this 3 times a day. I am currently doing it 1-2 times a day. Once when I wake up after having a glass of water, and once before I go to sleep. The 3rd time would ideally be at lunch, or right before I have to get back to work at 1 PM.
Re: stretching – I would love to try out yoga or something sometime. I have started to be a lot more mindful of my body and where I’m tighter than usual. And obviously it helps to stretch a bit to not feel that tension. I’ve found stretching consistently over time to generally make me feel a lot better. I would like to make that part of my 2-3 focused deep breathing moments in the day.
Have a spa/self-care day
We need to treat ourselves more often!! I thought about grooming tasks to do once a month (at least, depending on how much money I have). This is what I came up with for myself (no judgment please!):
- • Get a haircut - $20-40
- • Go to Escape Spa for a mind and body balancing treatment - $155
- • Go to Inherit the Earth for a one hour massage - $40-50
- • Go to Nail Star for a pedicure - $35
- • Go to Seema’s Salon for a facial - $25-50
It’s good to be pampered, and it’s important to feel good about yourself and how you look.
Write down what bothers you
I write things down all the time. It helps me remember everything that runs through my head, and it also helps me get things and thoughts out of my head. I find it to be a really therapeutic exercise. I personally choose not to read what I’ve written a day or more after I've written it because it makes me cringe. Though I have a friend who says he likes reading what he wrote later to see how he’s grown.
Writing down what bothers you or stresses you out can be very helpful in getting to the root of your problems. The next logical step is to act on those problems you pull out of yourself with solutions that are so easy you will be mad at yourself for holding your problem in for so long. For example, if someone made you upset like 5 years ago over something small, reach out to them, see how they’re doing, and mention that. Chances are they’ll have forgotten about it, and you’ll both have a laugh and catch up.
Seeing a counselor
I cannot recommend this enough. Seeing a counselor at UAB as a student is/was one of the most beneficial things I’ve ever done for my mental wellbeing. It helped me talk out my problems, and eventually talk myself into a solution that I came up with on my own. And if I couldn’t come up with it, my counselor would give me a suggestion on what to do. It’s nice to have someone outside of your personal life to confide in your deepest problems and secrets. It’s also nice just have someone to talk to.
Reducing alcohol intake or other negative things
This is pretty self-explanatory. The gist is that going out to a bar on a Friday or Saturday is a whole process. You get ready, you go out, you stay out, you go to sleep late and ruin the habits of your week. Find more productive ways to spend your time. Though it’s a lot more difficult to actually do, you’ll be healthier and happier in the long run.
Giving yourself credit more often
I used to hate giving myself credit for anything, and would defer credit to others. Now when someone says I did a good job, I am a lot more gracious in accepting that thank you no matter how small. Once again, the general idea is to keep the positive feedback loop going. You want to make others happy so they make you happy and so forth. And besides, you’re a pretty great person!
Practicing self-affirmation more often
I have a notification set in my phone’s calendar to go off twice a day (once in the morning, once at night) to remind me that “I am enough”. When I see that alert, I say “I am enough” out loud. This is based on a video sent to me by a friend. I started doing this a couple months back and I feel a lot better about myself, and have gotten better about accepting myself for who I am. In a way, it’s freed me up to want to take on a lot more. People might get a lot of notifications on their phone, so alternatively you can put this on a card at your desk at work, or on your mirror at home, or on a card by your bed. Just do it, though. Trust me. Put those cheesy inspirational messages in mundane places like your drawer at your work desk so you see it every time you open it up. It's a reminder that everything is ok, and you're ok just as you are.
Spending time with a loved one/meeting up with a friend you love and talking
Self-explanatory. No better feeling than talking to family or friends and them accepting you for who you are no matter where you are in life.
Giving, no matter how small
Giving doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. Yes, we’d all love to give food to the homeless all the time, and yes, we’d all love to give money to charity all the time. The majority of the time, it doesn’t have to be that. When you make some food or baked goods, make a little extra and bring some to work. Like, my sister in-law made cupcakes for our New Year’s Eve party, and I brought about 10 extras to work because otherwise I would’ve had to eat 10 cupcakes by myself. Instead I gave it to 10 coworkers and they all loved it and were happy. It creates a positive work environment for me, but also, I’m not expecting anything back. It’s just getting in the mindset and feeling of sharing more often.
Removing minor barriers/inconveniences
I am very forgetful so I am the guy who leaves the office only to see it raining and I have no umbrella or rain jacket. So one day I decided to just buy an umbrella and leave it at the office, and I also just bought a new rain coat. Boom. Minor inconvenience fixed.
Another example of me trying to remove a small inconvenience in my life was to buy two additional iPhone chargers. I had one already, so I bought one for work and another for my bed. I put the old one in my car and bought one of those fancy car chargers for like $10-15. The one next to my bed is 2m long, and I can’t stress enough how great it is to not have to worry about my cord not being long enough.
Anyways, the point of removing minor barriers/inconveniences is to reduce the number of “UGH” moments in your life. These are small road bumps but they introduce negative thoughts and feelings, which can snowball or be taken out on someone at a bad time. Just cut those problems at the source where you can.
Speaking of which…
Being a consumer and buying yourself something
I have this thing I call the Delayed Gratification List. I add to it whenever I think of something that will generally improve my life or make me feel good, or that I just plain want/like. I try not to buy everything on the list at once. One thing on my list right now is to buy a really nice hoodie that has a pillow in it and also roll-down eye-shade and also like 12 pockets for putting in whatever device and other thing you might have. It’ll cost like $120 probably, but I can’t wait until next month or the month after when my paycheck comes in and I can buy it (I get paid monthly).
Last month I bought a 23” stainless steel shoehorn for $20 and 4 Italy towels for $5. But my major expense last month came from a graduation gift of cash, so I splurged on a pair of shoes from Allen Edmonds because it was my dream of the last year or so to get a pair. Now I have them.
It’s good to have restraint and only have what you need. But it’s also good to treat yourself because you should and you deserve it. Life is too short!
On the opposite end of the spectrum…
Removing clutter
Removing clutter can be clutter of the closet or clutter of the mind. I have a notification in my phone to remove clutter in my mind on the last Saturday of the month. Removing clutter in my closet is a more difficult task, so I probably do that once a year. I have to be honest with myself. If I didn’t think about something at least once that year, then it has to go away.
Also, delete any pictures or videos from your phone that you haven’t looked at in forever. Maybe store it in the cloud or something, but it’s baggage that’s hanging down on you. Try to keep creating new memories.
Putting things in a specific spot
This is helpful when you’re stressed. For example, it’s nice to always have your keys in one spot because in the morning when you wake up late and are rushing out the door, at least your keys are where they’re supposed to be. Try to have a system for that. Think about what else might be in your “Go Drawer.”
Take in more magnesium
If you have TMJ problems or are generally just stressed out all the time, magnesium in your diet is a great way to reduce stress. Eating bananas, taking magnesium supplements, or taking a bath and putting bath salts for magnesium by skin contact is a great way to help.
Removing/reducing social media/phone usage
I am addicted to my phone. Anyone who knows me says I use my phone more than anyone else they know. So in 2019, I have deleted my social media apps and accounts, and only use LinkedIn and Reddit on my laptop/desktop. The idea is to be more present with who’s in front of you and the world around you, and not being somewhere else. I feel good about where I am with my knowledge of things at the moment, and feel I just need to go out and actually do things now instead of just taking in information just to take it in. I also got tired of feeling like my life will be better in the future and putting things off instead of doing things now. So I want to change that.
I have been more productive for the last week or so. I hope to keep that up.
Exercising
Well, you know. But if not…
Doing anything you just genuinely like to do
Just get out there and do something where you can be yourself and feel comfortable. As a wise man once said, “I must inquire, Wilson, can you still have fun?”
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To end on a short note, I’d love to hear about methods you use to handle stress or create happiness in your life!