Because I Feel Like It
((Logging into Buttondown for the first time in a few months and JD, this new Buttondown interface is great!!!))
There’s what you feel like you should do, and what you want to do. And being aligned with what you want to do (with practical life compromises in mind) makes us happier.
At least, that’s where my head is at right now. This time in between jobs for me and also major life things like grad school and transitions like moving states being over, the first couple months was like, WOOOO I have all this free time!! Then it became, Oh, I have all this free time. This is great.
Something I’ve noticed about it is that when you’re continuously going for so long non-stop, the things you do with your free time feel like a reprieve rather than real enjoyment. It’s like coming up for air quickly before going back down. When you finally stop and settle into the things you enjoy and want to do, it’s like this connection with yourself that you’ve been craving for so long.
I think a lot of you are better at it than I am. I don’t entirely know exactly what that is for myself yet. I have some ideas but still feel like I’m figuring it out.
These are some things I’ve been up to recently in the last few months in my quest to be happy/rested/recovered.
Watching and Reading/Audiobooks:
(I haven’t watched or read anything other than sports for real in so long!)
Yellowjackets – addictive show where reading fan theories is mandatory in the days in between episodes.
Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World – thanks, Brad!! Murakami’s writing is wonderful and I get why he’s so renowned.
Designated Survivor – political 24. Sometimes the writing is prescient (fascism/domestic terrorism in 2016-17), sometimes it’s just TV.
Meet Me In the Bathroom – documentary about the indie rock scene in NYC in the early 2000s. So much fun. I guess I was in middle school at the time but I didn’t realize just how massive The Strokes were.
Sheryl – documentary about Sheryl Crow. Similar to The Strokes, I didn’t realize how huge and sprawling her career has been. I enjoyed this a lot.
Bangalore Detectives Club – I did not enjoy this. I gave this audiobook like 3 tries before I stopped caring.
Becoming Kareem: Growing Up On and Off the Court – This was about how Lew Alcindor found his path in life and became Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (converting + changing his name at UCLA). This book with Kareem narrating is incredible. The amount of things he read, saw and experienced from such a young age while also excelling at nearly all of them… if more of us were like him, the world would be a better place.
The Orioles – we’ve arrived. Now what? I remain optimistic about this team.
The NBA playoffs – I don’t know what to root for. I want CP3 to win a title but feel dirty. Philly and Cleveland probably don’t have a chance. Giannis winning again would be fun. If he wins, he jumps to top 20 all time for sure and then you start arguing about where he belongs in the top 10 at the end of his career (it’ll be ahead of Kobe and somewhere around Tim Duncan).
Ted Lasso – this 2-month free trial of Apple TV+ = time to watch the third season.
Things I’m appreciative of:
Maryland – Jamie Raskin is my house representative (as opposed to fucking Gary Palmer in Birmingham who you may know recently as the guy who called DC schools "inmate factories"), free access to community centers for being a Montgomery County resident, Medicaid enrollment leading to $5 for a year of Capital Bikeshare, Maryland Physicians Care calling me to make sure I set up an appointment with my primary care provider… there’s other shit for sure and there’s a lot I love about Alabama, but I’m reminded that a state that invests in its people and wants to offer public goods to help people be healthy and get back on their feet is exactly the type of society we should be continuing to build upon. It’s better for me, and it’s better for you. There’s more that needs to be done but it’s not to be taken for granted.
Family and friends – I wouldn’t be where I am now without it, and I would probably be a super depressed person if not for my support system.
Things I’ve done or am doing:
Tutoring – helping 2nd graders with reading once a week. It’s felt rewarding to be involved in my community.
Townhouse renovation – this has been a year and a half in the works and it’s like finally (almost) over. Such a relief. I’ll probably post some before and after pictures next month.
The State Assessment – when someone is ready to overcome substance addictions, they have to do this long interview that’s been done by paper or spreadsheet. For the last year and a half with the help of a bunch of people, we made that process electronic in Alabama (I don’t think it’s being done anywhere else in the world). This hopefully means someone’s time to treatment will be greatly reduced, and hopefully people can get healthy sooner.
Looking forward to:
My first game at Camden Yards in a long, long time. I think it's been like 10 years.
Atlantis tickets – give me all 12 tickets please.
Family cruise in April – this is my first cruise so any recommendations for how to go about it are welcome.
Savannah in May – let’s go
Tears of the Kingdom – from the middle of May to like the middle of June, don’t expect to hear from me. I’m so hype.
Phish tour – from the beginning of July to like the beginning of August, don’t expect to hear from me. I’m so hype.
Job prospect – Hopefully hearing back about this job!! My 4th interview was on Tuesday. I think it all went all and I’m excited, but the anxiety is BRUTAL. If I don’t get it, life will go on but I’ll be sad.
Things I’m thinking about:
Identity – a lot of who I was isn’t who I think I am anymore, and I’d like to do different things that reflect that. But I’m accepting of and grateful for the things that led to me being where I am.
Healthiness – people always say when you turn like 30 your body starts to go downhill. I feel it!!
Journalism – I was one of the people about a year plus ago that said I’d leave Twitter if Elon Musk actually acquired it, and I deleted it. I use IG because a lot of people communicate that way. But, I just can’t support any fascist leader or someone who probably thinks I’m a lesser person because of how I look or my name. There are a couple of Twitter lists I do check daily for DC area news and basketball. The reason I think a lot of people are having a hard time letting go of it is because they amassed a major following and their whole personas are based on that.
The neighborhood – I get all of these thoughts when I go for a walk.
Equality – looking at you, Idaho, Tennessee, and Texas.
The hi-hat – I started playing drums a little again recently. There’s a lot of ways to think about what to play. Usually the driving thought is feel and how a sound accents someone else’s playing within the beat. For the open hi-hat, I think what I’ve struggled with for a few years now is I don’t really understand its place. Maybe I’m overthinking it, but usually when it clicks in your head, your body magically follows after.
That’s a lot! I hope you’re all well and I’d love to hear what your life is like nowadays.