A Means to an End
This is a Joy Division reference.
This feels like the end of this thing I’d been working towards since the end of 2016, and the beginning of a new phase of my life. That’s not to say I’m going to completely stop being who I am or doing the things I enjoy. I just feel like I’ve gotten a lot of stuff out of my system and am happy about who I am. I achieved pretty much everything I set out to do and got the results + ending I wanted out of that plan. There’s not a need to prove anything to anyone but myself and I’m thinking a lot more about things that make me happy in my daily life.
That wasn’t the case for awhile there, though. When I wasn’t working or doing family related things, it was the weirdest feeling of my life. Everything was ok (I was safe, had savings, etc.) but it wasn’t. I felt a lot of brain fog and fatigue. I felt lost like I didn’t know who I was when all the dust cleared. It’s disorienting. You lose confidence in yourself during that process of rediscovering your self, wants, and needs. And even weirder in that is the solace that it’s ok to go through that, and maybe never figuring out what those things are. And coming out of THAT weeks and months later feeling better and happier.
I’m also grateful after putting myself through a marathon of a ringer that I have so many great people in my corner. I guess when we’re in our 30s, the rose tint goes away and we see things and people more clearly. Those relationships that have been there forever mean so much more because we know each other and our tendencies well, and most importantly support and accept each other as we are while still knowing where we came from. You quickly find out who actually knows you and what you’re trying to accomplish or have been working towards. You end up appreciating those people a lot more, and have a different feeling about people who are there or speak positively only when things LOOK good for you.
Random thoughts from 2023:
Volunteering is by far the most important thing I did this year. I can’t remember the last time I volunteered for something that I wasn’t expecting to get something in return for. We are social creatures and selflessly being a part of something that is bigger than you gives you happiness that you just can’t get in other ways. It’s also a great way to connect with your community and see all of the ideas that spiral into taking a life of their own on. You’re going to meet likeminded people you wouldn’t otherwise, and likely make meaningful connections. I volunteered at the Gaithersburg Book Festival and also with a church that tutored 2nd graders in reading. I’ll also be mentoring a student at Montgomery College.
If there’s anything I’ve really learned over the last 8-9 months that I want to say and that I hope others hear, it’s that I hope you spend more time connecting with who you actually are and being around people who are cool with that. There’s nothing more attractive about someone than the passion and love they have for whatever it is that peaks their interest. What you enjoy is supposed to be a little different and weird to some. I see that IDGAF attitude in people in their 40s and up because they’ve come around to that understanding and know how busy life can get. I just think so many of you are still spending time not actually being connected to your own happiness, but doing what others think you’re supposed to do. Which, this is the safe route, but you’re an adult and life isn’t nerf guns.
Somewhat related, people are getting ruder and that's not cool! Maybe you've noticed it too. Here's an article called "People forgot how to act in public."
Aside from his love for Tom Brady, my brother and I are similar people. I forgive him for his thoughts on Tom Brady.
Everyone needs a sabbatical and most people are burnt out. I think everyone needs at least a 2 month break to recover from the rat race. Taking a Friday off on a holiday weekend isn’t enough.
Blue collar workers are held to a completely different standard than white collar workers. It’s like we Americans tip them to make them feel less worse. But they dress nicer than most of us do every day, stand on their feet for hours at a time, can get fired at any given time on the whim of a manager, and get paid like shit. I know we all know this but after a brief experience working a registration desk at a conference it became really apparent to me lol.
Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. But also…
Things happen at the exact time they need to. And furthermore…
Moving back to Maryland right as the Orioles rebuild was going to take off has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I love this team. And when I was on Phish tour, it was so so so fun and cool to hear people (including Yankees fans!) giving so much love to this team when they’d see me wearing my orange Adley Rutschman shirt. Meeting O’s fans across the country was instant happiness and connection. Also, I will never forget my nephews being at their first Orioles game. My older nephew being locked in the whole time, and my younger nephew waking up from his nap + not crying + just in time to see Felix Bautista get the final out. We’ll run the bases next time. (Side note: everyone who laughed at me for the last 5 years when I said we'd be good in 2025, I haven't forgotten).
Life is the best teacher you could possibly have. You can read or watch things, but experiencing them matures you a lot faster and gives you greater perspective on what is and isn’t a big deal or how to go about managing those different priorities.
Physical therapy is the shit.
Medicaid was a lifesaver.
Better Call Saul is a fantastic show, Lalo Salamanca is the best villain, Tony Dalton is incredible, Rhea Seehorn is amazing.
Tears of the Kingdom is the best game ever.
Phish does not play the same show or setlist every or any night, you dumb dumbs.
Songs in E—— is my current favorite book of poetry and Dan Brady is great. Currently going through Her Whole Bright Life by Courtney LeBlanc, who I also met at the Gaithersburg Book Festival.
I don't know if this is a thing that's always happened in music for the last 100 years, but I'm certainly noticing in popular culture and getting tired of how old songs are being covered in new ways. It needs to stop. We need more originality and less nostalgia or regurgitation. There are always exceptions (Like "Hallelujah" or "All Along the Watchtower"), but generally living in or getting popular off of nostalgia doesn't move you forward, it keeps you in the past. And speaking of relentless originality...
It's Got Old by King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard is the song of my summer. Shoutout to Chris + the KGLW Bham Fan Club Meetup.
I’m hoping that once I figure out my schedule and workload, I can get to recording songs and maybe an album with a couple of my friends. I’m looking forward to that the most over the next year. I’m sure I will share a song with everyone when I can get my hands on a recording lol.
My buddy Nicholas has gotten me into pickleball and now I am playing 2-3 times a week. I am obligated to mention that he thinks this the most impactful thing of my 2023, and I don't think I disagree.
I think that’s it, even though it never is lmao.
Go Orioles.