Great Lines Issue 1
Sup everyone. Muneer here.
- This newsletter is going to be all the great lines and zingers from things I read on the Web. As most of you know, I read a lot. Probably more than I should.
- The links aren’t necessarily timely. I read a lot of old stuff. I’m not up with the times.
- And in the course of reading, I often see lines that are hilarious or beautiful.
- I will bring those to you in this space.
This week, we look to The Bachelor. I know many of you hate the show. But that doesn’t mean that the people who write about it aren’t hilarious.
On Peter Weber:
- It’s like the old saying: You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t teach a horse to not try to have sex with the water.
- Only a few find lasting love on The Bachelor(ette); Peter, on the other hand, might be the first finalist or lead to actually lose love from his immediate family members.
- Peter was truly terrible at being the Bachelor, evincing such suspect decision-making that the FAA should consider revoking his pilot’s license.
On Madison, “the good girl”:
- Peter, as you may have heard, has had sex before. Many times. He’s actually had sex in a windmill several more times than Madison has had sex anywhere.
- Their family name is Weber—of course they grilled Madison.
- ABC starts rolling the footage from that visit and we get to watch Chris Harrison doing what he does best: being a messy bitch who lives for drama. The gleeful expression on his face as he trespasses on Madison’s front lawn is priceless.
If you like this newsletter, forward it, post a link to social media, or print it out and mail it to your grandma. Let’s make this issue the toast of the old folks’ home.
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