Magical Nihilism #4 | SOME RAGRETS
This weekend, two things happened:
A woman was pushed in front of a train at Times Square on Saturday morning while waiting on the platform with two friends. Her name seemed familiar, so I did some searching and realized she was a member of the same volunteer organization as me. I didn't know her, but we emailed a few times several years ago. I feel very sad about her death despite not knowing her personally, and also like I have no right to feel sad--like that sadness belongs to the people who knew and loved her. This is all so senseless and horrible and one of those stories that makes you realize how truly precarious everything is.
I went to see my friend Erin Cronican in the lead role of Dr. Vivian Bearing in the play Wit on Sunday afternoon. In the play, Dr. Bearing is dying of Stage IV metastatic ovarian cancer; in real life, Erin is living with Stage IV metastatic breast cancer. It was an unbelievable performance even if you don't know Erin's story; knowing it, I can't wrap my head around how she has been able to do this. I'll be thinking about it for a long time. (The show closed Sunday but you can watch a recorded benefit performance online through January 20 by purchasing tickets here. This is my second Seeing Place production--I also saw Erin in a one-woman show about Rachel Corrie that was similarly phenomenal--so I also recommend watching their calendar generally.)
I'm not big on regrets, but I'd be lying if I said the cumulative experience of this weekend wasn't causing me to rethink a few things (and not just riding the subway). If I died tomorrow, I would wish I had produced more creative work. I think I could make peace with everything else about my life, but that is the place I would wish I had put more time and energy. I'm hoping I will do something with this information.
Links
New Year's Resolutions 2022: In a fit of perhaps-misplaced optimism, I decided to set some goals for 2022.
How to get out of a rut: I reworked the transcript from an old podcast episode into some thoughts on how to start doing things again after a lengthy period of not feeling up to doing anything.
Aspiring to a better morning routine: I continue to fail at cracking this, but I'm going to try again.
Yours in Magical Nihilism,