Motivating yourself with kindness
Work has a way of piling up when you’re not around to take care of it! I left my writer’s residency with a big list of artistic things-to-do, then dallied on my way home for a few days of actual vacation, then came home to a fresh month and fresh round of editor emails about assignments. On top of that, I’m planning for a September trip (rescheduled from 2020) so need to do two months’ work in one.
Amid the stress of unpacking, resettling, getting back up to speed, and calendaring how I’m going to get it all done, I had a breakthrough moment. I needed to be nicer to myself.
While I’m not a fan of the phrase, I tend to fall into the work hard/play hard approach to work. I focus well, motivate myself, and know how to prioritize. It’s easy for me to hunker away in my office or on residency and get shit done. It’s natural for my inner monologue to run toward the logical/critical side of the spectrum. I work off lists, I get things done, and I avoid overthinking. In times of stress, like right now, that can tend toward beating myself up for not having gotten it all done in the overly ambitious schedule I sometimes set for myself.
Rather than be frustrated, I’m learning to take a step back and motivate myself from a place of kindness.
What that looks like is, first off, realizing that I’m stressed and veering toward overwhelm and pausing. Then I think about one action I could take right now to reduce those feelings. Most recently, it was tidying up the luggage that hadn’t yet been put away.
Decluttering gave me back a sense of calm and control that reset my perspective. After that, I gave myself the rest of the night off to read and relax.
Other ways you can motivate yourself with kindness rather than criticism:
- Keep your favorite tea, coffee, or snacks nearby for an energy boost
- Schedule a coworking session with a friend who lights you up
- Get an accountability buddy who can celebrate your accomplishments
- Give yourself permission to take breaks (actual breaks, not checking social media or reading the headlines)....and to clock out at the end of the day
- Write down every negative thought you have about yourself to get in the habit of noticing these, then redirect to a more positive thought. Some people have a silly name they call their inner critic by so they can laugh it off when they default to old patterns
- Instead of beating yourself up for what you haven’t done, pay attention to what you HAVE done (sometimes I use lists for this)
- Spend time at the end of the month reflecting on what you accomplished and how you felt, then set goals and intentions for the month ahead
- Break a big goal up into micro steps then reward yourself for each step you take toward the goal
These may seem like tiny actions but over time, repeatedly, they’ll help shift your inner talk toward positive motivation....or at least help you see when you’re falling into unhelpful patterns!
What I Read and Loved This Month:
Catapult: Nobody Cares What You Have to Say—That’s a Good Thing - I appreciated this piece from a writer pal, Anne Putnam, about her roadblock to pitching unfamiliar editors and how she overcame it. “Now that I’ve gathered a few bylines and developed some confidence, my writer friends often ask me how I conquered my anxiety about cold-pitching editors. They tell me, voices hushed, that they prefer submissions, and I get that: Submittable offers psychic distance, and presenting a completed piece feels less risky than pitching a fleshed-out premise. But they react to my moderate success as if it’s mystical somehow. I always say the same thing: “I’m not special or magical, and I’m not less anxious than you—my Lexapro prescription is evidence of that. But if you have something to say that you think might benefit readers, you just have to start doing it,” she writes.
Racism in Publishing survey: “I’ve been in multiple meetings, both one-on-one and group meetings, with senior (white, female) management who acknowledge the lack of diversity in our corporation and say that the parent company is overwhelmingly male and white. And that ‘they can’t even address the issue with gender, much less race’ as though race is always a secondary and less important concern than gender.” If you haven’t yet seen this, give it a read. Then sit with the reality of what it’s like for BIPOC in publishing and how you can help dismantle white supremacy as a reader, writer, and ally.
My Latest Piece
The Penny Hoarder: 2021 Is Back in Business and Caterers Want to Hire You - I dish on my favorite side hustle that’s also an inspiration for my WIP about food media, influencer culture, and self-love!
Last month, I shared an excerpt from my queer Young Adult novel with you and I’m thrilled to say that later this month, you can read another queer Young Adult story from me in Oyster River Pages. That is an excerpt from my first novel that I queried unsuccessfully, so it’s an understatement to say I’m THRILLED to have these pages going out in the world. I’m looking for a few folks to share the story and my social media tweets in the week of publication in hopes of getting eyes on this story I worked so hard on, so if you’d like to help me out, just reply to this email!
Get your q’s answered:
Once a month, I answer your questions about the writing life and making it work for you. Want yours answered? Write back or contact me here.