How I Deal with Self-Doubt as a Writer
It happens. One day you're in love with your WIP, the next you're convinced it's terrible–or, worse, you're terrible and will never amount to anything. I've had some down days recently which got me thinking about the ways my self-doubt about writing can be cyclical. In learning to spot these patterns, I'm more easily able to work through those doubts.
My writing self-doubt breaks down into two camps: the fear-in-disguise that wants me to stop writing and what I call healthy doubt, which is a gut check that the work isn't really finished yet, and I should give it one more editing pass before I put it out there.
Learning to tell the difference between the two is tricky, but it can be done. Here are a few ways I gain perspective when I'm suffering writer's doubt.
When it's "the good kind" of doubt
When "good" doubts arise for me, I'm usually in the weeds of the process facing an obstacle. I'm feeling my way around it, maybe trying a new take on a scene or changing the scope of the argument between my main character and side character. I have a hunch this will work but I'm still feeling it out, and that doubt often arises because I'm not yet confident the work is doing what I want it to. The more specific my doubts can be, the easier it is for me to identify what's not working and fix it, so I am actually pretty pleased whenever these doubts come up because it saves time in editing!
When my doubt is the "good kind" it tends to be specific. It points at what isn't working, like a CP or a writing group. It might not have the solution, but when you understand where the issue is, there is the potential for an aha moment in which you figure out a few options for moving forward and the doubt resolves into a positive feeling (for me, this is excitement mixed with relief and a drive to get going). It might ask you questions–and if you don't know the answers, make time for a journaling session, meditation, long walk, or whatever helps you find clarity about your work. Once you get the clarity or resolve the plot problem, this type of doubt usually goes away.
When it's fear in disguise
Fear speaks in black-and-white terms. The book is terrible. No one will buy it, or want to represent it, or read it. The idea is terrible and doesn't deserve any more of my time. It's coming out all wrong. The character is awful.
Whenever my doubt mirrors this all-or-nothing language, I know it's fear-based. Sometimes this recognition is enough to push the fear away. I'll remind myself that the work isn't done yet, so can't be judged on those terms. Or I'll shrug and tell myself it's old fears.
My inner critic tends to parrot back the worst writing criticism I've ever received. That professor in the MFA program. That agent on the panel, playing for laughs at the expense of my work. That CP who didn't get my work and didn't even try. The worst comments I've made about my own work while in draft stages. The inner critic knows where the pain points are and how to hit them strategically, with a crippling comment that can leave me editing pages for hours, hoping the doubt will go away.
If you keep a notebook of these self-doubts, you can spot the patterns. For me, the closer I get to the end of a draft, the louder these comments get, which is annoying but at least predictable, and I'm learning to dismiss them as such, the way early meditators are encouraged to label thoughts as "thinking" and pay them no further mind.
Tracking the awful things you say to yourself can also give you perspective, because sometimes there is a grain of truth in the unkind words. Here as well, look for the specificity and troubleshoot from there. If your mind tells you that your dialogue sucks, maybe it's onto something. Building your craft skills can help you fight the inner critic while also becoming a better writer.
What I Read and Loved This Month:
The Writer: How adopting a growth mindset can help you grow as a writer - Writers can be formulaic in how we approach the writing process...but there are times when those actually hold us back from needed change. Yi Shun Lai's article explains how adopting a growth mindset can help writers break through blocks in their path.
Kacen Callender: WIP: Social Media Expectations - So much of this blog post on the expectations heaped on authors to promote their own work resonated with me, particularly this bit: "The rise of influencers—of fake fame via social media—has shifted our focus away from our words and our stories, and to desperately clinging for every bit of attention we can find, thinking this attention equates to our success as authors. It doesn't."
ArtNet: ‘To Make Anything Is an Act of Hope’: Author Raven Leilani on How Being a Frustrated Painter Inspired Her Breakout Novel ‘Luster’: I love how Leilani talks about being resistant to structure as a writer, and learning how to wield structure for her own power.
My Latest Piece
In Momala, Finding Hurt and Hope - For Moments Between, I wrote about how Kamala Harris is reinventing the stepmother role and how this can be healing for children of divorce, like me.
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