🙆🏽♀️ Yes vs No 🙅🏽♀️
I still remember watching Yes Man way back in 2008. A few years later, when I was looking to do more with myself, I remembered that film. And how good things seemed to happen to Jim when he agreed to do new things.
I agreed to mentor a workshop at a conference in Vancouver, which indirectly led to my open source work with the Node.js project and OpenJS Foundation. I agreed to help emcee a meetup, with led to organizing multiple new communities. I left a good job, and said “Yes” to an even better job.
When it stops
I often feel compelled to say “Yes”. When I say “Yes”, I feel like I’m being open to opportunities. The idea of saying “No” is like closing myself off to progress.
But now I have barely any time for myself. The last time I experienced solitude was months ago. I save up for trips out of town, just to give myself permission to disconnect. Trips away are when “there are no expectations of me”. All it means is, that I truly feel my time is my own.
Yesterday, lying in bed, I was kept awake by my thoughts. To calm my mind, I looked for a new book to read. In my public library, I came across The Power of No, by Claudia and James Altucher.
The book starts off with the chapter, “Your No Bill of Rights”. In it, I found 11 situations where I could say “No”. Some felt saccharine, and I can’t really speak for the whole book (because I’m only two chapters in). But their value to me was the specific situations and feelings where I now feel more comfortable saying “No”.
Here are the 3 most useful.
Giving Myself Permission to Say No
No. 10: You Have the Right to Silence
This has been, and still is, difficult for me. I tried using meditation as my reason (read: excuse) to sit in silence and stop consuming. If I’m ever susceptible to FOMO, it’s because I feel that I will miss out on good ideas, events, and communities.
No. 7: You Have the Right to be Honest, Above All, With Yourself
I have agreed, in the last few months, to take on unpaid projects for the sake of keeping up appearances. Not because it was truly good for me. It kept me up at night, and not for good reasons. When friends apply to jobs and express concern that the interviewer didn’t respond well to them, I encourage them to take comfort knowing that my friends were being themselves. It’s not worth putting on a face. I should do the same when it comes to accepting work, especially unpaid work.
No. 6: You Have the Right to Take Your Time
Once when I was laid off, I was sent a separation agreement by HR/People Ops. I took my time to process, and think, and consult with experts. I got back to People Ops over three weeks later. It was only later when I realized, a paragraph in the document implied that the offer was valid for a week. It really wasn’t.
A new chapter of “Yes”
Yesterday I said “No”, to hanging out with a friend who was in town for work at short notice. We’ve done short notice in the past. But my partner is going away for a few weeks, and I’m also very tied up with a side project where we’re releasing an alpha version of a service in less than two months. I’m saying “No” to one thing, but “Yes!” to other things that are more important right now :-)
Check out a previous post about making book lists to help read more!
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