Release, resistance, reinvention - Welcome!
Well, we made it here - welcome to the #notesoffiercelove newsletter! This is very clearly an experiment and I have no idea what I'm doing but hey, it feels really, really good.
If you're here, thank you!
A few weeks ago, I decided that I was leaving my personal Instagram account behind to focus on growing (and sustaining) my business, creating more space for creativity, and just BEINGGG. Since then, life has looked like:
Recording an entire vlog in Spanish (actually 2!)
Making a new Instagram account that's for shits & giggles (mostly practicing my Spanish & talking random things)
SPACE for new ideas, projects, and relationships
And actually, a lot of life admin that I've been procrastinating on.
Funny how when I'm not distracted by "the 'gram", suddenly I have the headspace to think about getting my Spanish driver's license, planning for personal things, and talking more with the people in my life.
I wanted to break this email up into 3 areas to share more about my decision to "leave Instagram" and what January has given me - in true Virgo moon fashion, categories (& organization) are the way I roll.
RELEASE
The start of 2022 has been SLOW (exactly what I wanted). I came into this year thinking that things would change, but I didn't realize how much "release" I would be experiencing.
It was like my body and the Universe were conspiring together, even if my mind and ego were not having it. The only thing I "planned" on releasing in January was my Instagram account and renouncing social media as a way for people to reach me. I was tired of feeling commodified and stifled by Instagram. My creativity had no room to play, only to "strategize", and to be honest, I felt like I couldn't share ALL of myself - just the parts that were marketable and interesting for the followers.
I fell into the trap of "personal branding" but the IG kind of personal branding that loves lifestyle content, is grammable, and exudes "I did it, and so can you" vibes. This is what I like to call capitalism 2.0.
I started feeling cynical about my own work - I am a cog in the capitalist machine because I teach marketing and storytelling. I teach people to sell themselves. I questioned everything - y'all, I even thought about shutting down my business and finding a full-time job because I was feeling that cynical.
It wasn't just IG though, I started noticing old patterns, habits, thoughts, and beliefs in my life. My trip home to the USA was great, but it also brought up lots of stories I thought I "moved on from". My body, despite my mind and ego, went into full release mode - it's still in release mode.
Letting go of things that no longer serve me... thoughts and beliefs that no longer help me, and "habits" and "things" that were never for me. It's a process, I know, but I just want to share that IG was the "visible" thing I released but there was so much more to it.
RESISTANCE
This leads me to resistance because releasing doesn't come so easily - I resisted HARD. Today, I pulled an oracle card from one of my new favorite decks (African Goddess Rising) and the message was "Resistance".
It hit hard.
It talked about my biggest fear, why I resist so much, and how resistance shows up in our lives. I mean, I knew I was resisting but I definitely didn't sit down to explore "why" and "from what" I was resisting.
I am resisting my "releases" because I am scared of feeling more alone than I already do. If I release "more" and choose to do things differently, I will put myself in a situation where I am "different". Different, doesn't necessarily make many friends.
And if I already feel alone, what will changing and healing do to help this feeling? I resist because I don't want to feel more isolated. I'm not sure if others have felt this way but when I wrote out those words in my journal I actually had to step back and thought "Oh, shit."
I know I'm not alone, but sometimes I wonder if I'm not alone... do I feel like I belong?
REINVENTION
How many times in our lives do we reinvent ourselves?
I am in the process of reinvention - outside of Instagram, expectations, and "proving" my worth by the content that I create.
I choose to reinvent based on my creativity, my joy, and my curiosities. So far, it's been going very well!
I remember a post I shared a while back on "reinvention" and how I don't necessarily believe in it.
I think reinvention is just about us shedding layers to be more of who we are - more whole, more complete, more true. Reinvention is more like grounding yourself - stripping away layers of societal conditioning, capitalist programming, patriarchal demands, and deciding for yourself - well, what the fuck is it that I want? Who the fuck am I, anyway?
I'd say that's a fucking good reinvention.
Question, how long are these newsletters supposed to be? I'm getting a notification that I am at 858 words, oops - now 863!
This first newsletter is a bit scattered and messy but it feels really nice to share this with you in a more intimate way. Social media always felt like it was eating away at my "life realizations" and turning them into monetizable pieces of content. This feels way nicer.
I'll end it here with a little synopsis of what you can expect from this experiment - just to create some consistency around here:
Monthly-ish newsletters sent at the beginning of each month
Topics on business, marketing, self-love, travel, identity, and culture
Resources & links to things that have inspired me or caught my attention
Maybe an offer in the future or discounts to my current offerings
A link to my digital magazine "Things." (made only for this newsletter!)
You can unsubscribe at any time if you're not vibing with the content, and if something I shared really hit home for you - I'd love to know!
You can always reply to these emails, they go directly to my inbox and I'll respond when I can!
Thank you for being part of this "experiment" and for allowing me to share #notesoffiercelove with you - they're written from my very emotional, feelings-oriented, Pisces heart.
#stayfierce fam 🐙
Cassandra
P.S. I'm working on that digital magazine and might send it out later this month - keep on the lookout!
P.P.S. It's Lunar New Year! May this year bring you prosperity, abundance, creativity, good health, and so much joy and space for play. Chúc mừng năm mới!