These baby girl clothes baffle me
We are five full months into this arrangement where I’m taking care of the baby full-time, and if there’s any area of my report card where I might expect a Needs Improvement, it’s getting our girl dressed. And as she grows up and more styles become available to her, we’re only going to stray farther from my comfort zone. (My comfort zone is limited to clothes with definite, discernible holes for four limbs and a head.)
In her dresser, there are articles of clothing for which I have no name. I open a drawer and maybe one-third of the contents appear to be something that can successfully clothe a human child. Our organization system insists that the items in this drawer have short sleeves, but I see no sleeves and six too many snaps spread willy-nilly around an abstract cut of cotton.
Where have these clothes even come from? What machines are capable of sewing conventional fabrics into four-dimensional shapes?
Sometimes, Mom puts some clothes out on top of the dresser: a clear signal that she believes our child will look cute in the selected outfit (or outfits??) in the near future. Often, it takes me a significant minute to parse this message, as I determine what body parts can be covered, and how many of these pieces we need to achieve a full set.
Luckily for us, Mom works from home and is available for spot-checks before Toby and I go out in public. We don’t even have to ask for this service - if a misdressed baby crosses her periphery, Mom diagnoses the issue instantly. I’m not sure if this is a man-woman thing or if I am just fashion blind. It could be both.
I’m excited to see Toby grow up. But the clock is ticking on my tenuous grasp of her wardrobe. We are going to outgrow the onesies. I am not panicking. Eventually she’ll be able to dress herself, and I can blame her if she’s walking around looking like a little doofus. (We just need it to be plausible that Toby picked clothes out and stuffed her own body into them, it doesn’t matter if she’s actually doing it.)
For now, I’ll appreciate that many dresses have clear tops and bottoms, even as I am foiled by the mystery of their fronts and backs.
But her hair… oh no. Her hair will need to be… “done?”
I have worn a hat every day for the last decade. I am not at all equipped for this. Oh no, your poor little head, Toby.
The hair grows nearer to pigtails every day.