Doing it all for moments
In life before parenthood, I was pretty stingy with how I spent my free time and extra effort. I was not likely to spend a bunch of time and effort getting to some event, just to enjoy myself for like 30 minutes and then come home. I also tended to skimp on stuff like decorations or one-off niceties. This has, I’m sure, made me kinda hard to hang out with (or be married to) at times. But at least I wasn’t wasting my life in transit, or cutting into the margins of my fun by trying to make something special happen!
I’m seeing things in a new way, now. With a child as part of the possible plans, my cost-benefit analyses come out totally different. Now, all the effort gets paid off by these tiny little moments. Much of my days are taken up with thoughts and plans to make some small experience happen for Toby.
On Saturday, there was a free event in the next town over: an hour-and-a-half of local music. A year ago, this would not have gotten me off the couch. But now, the entire afternoon goes into getting our family of three to this show. By the time we’ve prepped snacks, stocked the diaper bag, and mobilized into the car, the music has been on for 20 minutes. (Younger Chad would have planted the seed for an audible: let’s see if there’s a happy hour or something nearby.)
We reach the destination, and then realize it’s going to take a while to get food for us adults. In all the effort to make sure the baby was taken care of, we forgot to make sure we had options for ourselves. Time ticks by while we’re in a grocery store - well out of earshot of the music. The entire reason for our outing is slipping away, but we stick it out.
Finally, we get a chance to sit near the show. The band has built up a rapport with the crowd, and it seems we’re not gonna really be part of that. Based on the clock, they’ve got a few more songs left, then maybe an encore. We have settled in for 25% of this event, and our attention is actually split on managing an eleven-month-old baby.
And… it was absolutely worth it. Even if we only had the moment where Toby clapped and squealed along with the rest of the applause, it would be a good evening. But she was fascinated for our whole 20 minutes of music.
But it’s not just that moment at the show. It’s the smile she gives out to the cashier, her attempts to plunder another baby’s food across the gap between strollers, her goofy toothy grin at the stop light, the focused face she puts on when she sees anything new.
And it’s not just this one outing. It costs like three hours to spend thirty minutes at the beach, but where else can Toby play in the waves? I spent $8 on a farmers market banana juice, but now I know that Toby will dance with me to a semi-pro performance of “Margaritaville.” And there’s no practical reason to walk the long way around the block to the library, except to let Toby see the flowers at the cemetery.
So, yeah, my time is spent differently now that I’m a dad. And I should credit my wife for being the impetus behind most of our family’s outings.
Anyway, I hope that sharing this little reflection here will help me remember to be generous with my time for my family, and to remain present for the beautiful moments we have together.
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