SBM Poetically Powered Newsletter, February 2023 Edition: I Don’t Know Stillness Without Fear Of What’s Coming
SBM Poetically Powered Newsletter, February 2023 Edition: I Don’t Know Stillness Without Fear Of What’s Coming
Hello to anyone and everyone reading this since I always feel like I'm screaming into the void with each newsletter I send off, only to hear silent reply. I've been thinking about the energy cost of posting something on social media. How I use it as a crutch to distract myself when I don't want to be fully "present" because being present sometimes is painful.
I've learned over the years that the correct response to "how are you?" is okay, and if I'm feeling saucy, "dandy, just dandy." If they're paying attention, they'll be like, "what the hell is dandy, and what does that mean?" and I'll say anything I want it to be. But generally, "dandy" is "just getting by/ hey I'm here / look at this, we're alive / let's not talk about this, shall we?"
Writing out what I'm feeling is easier than saying it. Even if I am writing what I'm feeling, I'd generally not get into the toxic positivity some people try to force down my throat, and then I want to kick their kneecaps. Such things as "this too shall pass (sometimes into worse shit, thanks, just tell me this is valid), stay positive, god only gives us what we can handle (bullshit again), it'll get better, etc." I've had to bite my tongue because I rarely get into fighting mode, which makes me want to fight. I'm vulnerable in admitting how I am, and you're trying to "fix me" to make yourself feel better. I don't need to be fixed, just heard. That's it. It's not a tall order. You don't gotta do shit besides, "hey, that does suck. Let me know if I can help in any way. I love ya."
I'm going to take this month to take it easier, and also, you'll see me only on my Patreon, is what I'm thinking. I don't want to talk, communicate, or put energy out that I am most clearly not replenishing as quickly or easily. If you reach out, I'm fine, and I won't be around on social media because I've wanted a break for some time. I don't want to keep checking the timing of posts (the peak hours of when to post so that my poem or what I'm sharing doesn't die in the water before it can ever swim), and honestly, I don't have the damn time. I'm pretty busy as shit, and if I'm not, I'm making poems or posts or doing my Patreon to give as much as I can to those who support me over there since it helps me in my daily life with that support coming in.
I want to get back into the consistency I had for my art/drawing that I was doing until it got away from me. I've been doing good reading physical books in my free time and would love to get into that with hopefully making time with this break that I'm planning to plan for myself and be effective at implementing.
I also want to put together my third book and set a deadline for it, and already I'm using a friend for edits that have been helping to tighten and trim the bits of fat that needed it. I want something that speaks to my time living right now. But my life morphs and changes isn't the same, and it doesn't feel the same as each day passes. I'm not the same person, and I never will be. It's the reckoning to be realized that I won't ever be that person again.
I did another slam last month, and it went well but didn't quite do as well as the first one. It depends on the audience and judges how far you go, so that's the thing about slam. It can never be figured out, or at least, I can't figure it out. I'm planning to get back into Story Slams with the month by March, I'll be missing the "Love Hurts" edition, which is Valentine's day anti-love theme, but I think my plan for going out is a good one. I've done Love Hurts for years, so I'd much rather listen to local music at an intimate venue instead of participating.
I also visited with my dear friend last month, and it was one of the best times I've had in a lifetime, hands down. We did all the things I love, which made me ensure I'll be back to revisit them this year. October is probably what I'm shooting for with the next visit. I also hope to get out more and visit friends across the country if I can, and I still need to plan a trip to celebrate my birthday in a few months.
What gave me the idea behind some rest time, purposeful rest of not posting, interacting, just really taking this time to disconnect fully, was Marlee Grace and their course on making more of your time, which I still need to finish. I'm planning to keep my love of poetry going, it's been playing well with me of a lot of mental highway poems (those without prompts), and I've been pleased with how active it's been, so much so I can't keep up or write down the ideas when I'm busy, and then I lose them.
What's going on with me that you can get into
I will have stickers coming that I drew the art behind them where the words are in my handwriting: "Weird Is Wonderful" with a Nautilus. I also have "Poetry is my love language/We are more than what we fear" in supermini, thumbnail-sized stickers. You'll see the one itty cutie at the top of this newsletter! I didn't know they were such tiny babies, but I'm hoping to send them a February card for Patreon supporters (to be a supporter, here's this link: https://www.patreon.com/sarahmentalpoet). If you are a supporter and want happy poet mail send me your address! I’d love to thank you with a cute card and my itty bitty weirdo stickers. Also, I'd like to open an Etsy shop or feature them on my site for you to buy. They are hand-drawn pieces, and I am pretty tickled as a peach to create them and have them be portable.
Since the New Year Is Here and I'm an indie/local creator, my merch is here: https://sarahbellummental.com/merch/ and includes "Consent Is Sexy / Turn Life Into Poetry / Poet Doing Poet Things, etc." shirts and things for you to get if you want a poetry themed gift for yourself or those you love. My books are all from indie publishers in New Mexico that published my two books, and their link is: https://sarahbellummental.com/pre-order-swallow-my-sparrow/
I did the thing! I did the thing by doing a workshop that can be worked around your schedule, and you can do it at your own pace. This is my newest: https://sarahbellummental.com/the-brightness-besides-us-poetry-workshop
Listening to: Bibles, Ba Ba Ju, from the Spotify Golden Hour songs
Reading: Date & Time by Phil Kaye so so so good! Top poetry books for me by far, that kind of yelping in joy or pain or all the emotions for it.
I am getting ready for: who knows what? I finally got out there some time ago, besides the two poetry slams I had. I want to memorize some newer slam pieces and get them on index cards to start the process.
I’m planning to be a part of a general poet get together Write About Now is hosting next Tuesday at one of my favorite bars. I’d love to make their open mics but I work that day and my energy hasn’t been what I’ve needed to support my fellow performers and poets. I’ve been lacking, and haven’t really had the ability to do anything but drive home, get to rest, repeat, work again. I love my works so being a workaholic is so easy for me because I rarely get depleted by them, but I’m hoping making more time for not creating things to post will gather up energy I haven’t had.
I'm signing off, and if you read this, thank you. This may be an intermittent month of things because I need to do recon on my energy and getting it back. And, just general fog/I'm not here sort of feeling which isn't pleasant. It's been hard to move sometimes so I gotta admit how hard that is and try to bring my body and mind what it wants or needs to get by.