Poetically Charged May Poetry Month Newsletter, Where I don’t write poems but I do … write, how inspiration is a fickle pickle
Poetically Charged May Poetry Month Newsletter, Where I don’t write poems but I do … write, how inspiration is a fickle pickle
Hello there to all my lovely little catalysts which open up this little newsletter of mine and bathe themselves in my updates and words. How cool it is to send something out with the idea behind it being like a pen pal correspondence with those interested in what I've been up to. I loved pen pals when I was younger and wrote to one named Ellen. She sent me pictures of her horses, and I sent her photos of those that weren't mine but that I exercised for other people.
I haven't been writing poems since April; my body and mind might need a break to return to it. Also, have I been unable to make my Undercurrents because I've had something going on in the evening and then been working in the afternoon? I am in Refold with Tristan polishing up my poems from April, but even with that being in class, it's been pretty crazy for May with my schedule. I just finished a six-day work week of 56-60 hours. I need to count the time that I give to writing/promoting my own writing I have been doing, which is essays on flirtation: mainly flirting back with life again.
The series is called Flirt Curse, and it's a Substack series. Mainly, I give credit to one of my friends for the creation of it. The link is here: https://sarahbellummental.substack.com/
Do the essays resonate or not, or if they hit with others? I submit them into the void and then don't hear anything back. I have wanted a Substack for some time, and while poetry and focusing on poetry could be a thing, my visit with my friend recently spurred the idea of how I've been interacting more with being present, alive, here.
I have severe depression, anxiety, PTSD, and several other conditions (this isn't even the body/medical/other stuff.) My mind is not my best friend. My mind is also not my best bedmate, so in this series, I wanted to look backward, in the middle of my life, and presently to how I've opened myself up to the world despite being fiercely independent and more than okay being with myself.
I have been getting feedback from my friend who inspired the series; I send her the essays before I publish them. I think a lot will do with how our conversations spur forth so much in my head and how her mind inspires mine with life constantly.
I also thought about what a terrible flirt I am and the fact it’s hard for me to get crushes. I never had crushes on celebrities when I was growing up. I didn’t go crazy over that one person and need to know about them. I’m still like that to this day, that I focus more on people I meet even though I do love watching movies.
I know that mental health month is a thing and I’m always just like how do I even describe what’s a part of my life? Something that is like an entity that haunts me, actively possesses me, that sits in the bed with me and comes out of nowhere sometimes. It is a constant companion, a continuum, something that will always be a part of me. My best way to handle it and be aware of it is to know when my limit is reached and not step outside that. But, some days I feel like I’m not doing enough. Sometimes my energy will plummet and it’s hard to get the dishes done, laundry, simple things. A shower is a miracle. Grocery shopping is impossible. Meal prepping is improbable because the exhaustion after it is real. Luckily, my meal prepping and taking care of myself with simple things has been accessible.
I haven't been to as many open mics as I've wanted (I still want to make WAN, but Wednesday is such a beast for me after work), but I have been doing my hiking, exercising, and finally doing classes with that that I've been wanting to do for some time.
I feel like a bad poet but I’m experiencing the poems I want to be writing about. I had my friend, bee, ask me for a kickboxing poem which I’m sure will happen.
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Episode 3 Excerpt, Flirt Curse:
"Some people are kerosene; they are the explosive, unseeable energy to be lit up. And others are the matchstick to ignite them, but they've always held this light inside them. You just helped them realize and fuel it."
"Exactly!"
My friend replies with enthusiasm that this is a thing. I've always been a walking light striker. I had difficulty being accepted by the other kids when I was younger. I was bullied a lot. I struggled to connect, so what did I do? I chose not to talk. I decided to isolate myself. I was good at being alone as a very young kid. I was efficient at making worlds in my head and getting lost in them for recess, so I never had to play with anyone else.
If I could talk to my younger self to tell them hey, it gets better, and you are a matchstick of a being, and you will try to encourage so many to combust (healthily) and spread their light about, I wouldn't believe you.
I have always loved to listen to others' lives.
I have always loved to help and caretake those I care about.
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What's going on with me that you can get into
I have stickers that I drew the art behind them where the words are in my handwriting: "Weird Is Wonderful" with a Nautilus. I also have "Poetry is my love language/We are more than what we fear/ write that damn delightful poem / and SBM little mini-me." that I'll be sending to Patreon supports with a card: https://www.patreon.com/sarahmentalpoet).
Mentioning cards, I found cards I had been hiding (sort of!), so I'm excited to be able to rotate the cuteness of cards every month. I might post the card that's featured for each month here. If I do end up repeating (I don't see that for the rest of the year, but we will see. I was supposed to get a whole shipment of cuteness cards in but never got delivered), you'll always get just my thanks and gratitude for being a supporter.
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Listening to: My Discovery Weekly Spotify soundtrack, but right now “If only it was warmth” King Krule
Reading: Read Poetry Unbound briefly at a Barnes and Noble, might be buying it
If you made it this far, thank you for reading! Hopefully, I'll have more exciting poetry stuff to share, but I'm writing something with my essay series for now. I'll probably slow down soon, but there are four episodes/essays. These essays range from a crush, how my friend is the ink behind the most extraordinary love letter I'm writing, how people can be matchsticks and flammable material, and how you are more than what you weigh as your worth.