The Soft Option
When I was in school, every week at assembly our headmaster and deputy headmaster would each give us a little speech. I found these universally boring and have ever since been unable to stand perfunctory and empty public speaking.
But, for some reason, wedged in my brain, is a speech that the deputy headmaster gave not once, but maybe two or three times.
In the speech he recalls a story of an Australian sprinter, who is training during the height of summer. It's so hot that everyone else has stayed home, except his main rival. Without talking or acknowledging each other the two men go about their drills. As the story wraps up, the protagonist of this story shares a realisation: that his rival would never beat him. Why? Because the rival was running WITH the wind not INTO it, as the narrator did.
The deputy head then ended the speech by imploring us 'never take the soft option'.
I always hated this speech. It's so fucking stupid. Is the soft option the one that sees someone off the couch, working hard, but just not the best? Is silver medal some how the mark of a lack of effort? What about all the other athletes that thought 'it's too damn hot?', why isn't that the cautionary tale?
What about the person jogging along the river nearby not competing, but still there? Is that soft? What about the person who needed a day off to rest and recover so they could get back to training? I could go on.
Even if I agreed, what's the problem with the soft option anyway? You're still there, training and trying, that doesn't sound so evil or problematic to me. It sounds sort of admirable in its own way.
Australia's quite a weird country, in that a large proportion of our schools are same-sex schools. The school I went to was an all boys' school which might change the tone of the anecdote a little.
Sometimes a lot is said or written about young men and masculinity in our time. It would be easy to read a story like this an see some sort of galvanising influence but, to be honest, my main memory of these sorts of messages was sort of a detached puzzlement. The story just sucks. The message it's trying to convey isn't interesting or meaningful. It's too narrow, too simple, too basic - even some random teen barely paying attention can see how obnoxious it is.
There's also this sort of reductive hand-wringing to how we imagine young people: as empty receptacles that just automatically agree with what's given them. Does that describe your life as a young person? Does it describe anyone's?
Man there were so many (seemingly) outdated old teachers. Who listens to them anyway? Not us softies, that's for sure.
When I'm out jogging I often think what would happen if I bumped into some of my old PE teachers. I think I was the sort of student they wished just wasn't there. I didn't want to play sport, I didn't want to run and I was really good at being a pain in the ass. I've never really worked out how to passively withdraw, play along enough to fly under the radar. I'm kind of always a very visible stick in the mud. But here I am, some days, just out running, happily, plodding along, moving at my own pace, feeling calmer and proud of myself.
To their credit, I think a few would be actually quite chuffed to see I've found ways to be active and enjoying it. And a few would probably see me in the distance and avoid the chat. And that's ok with me.
A few weeks ago a friend invited me to a charity fun run and I said why not. It's not the sort of thing I'd usually do, but I had a good time. Sometimes if we suspend our egos slightly something new and novel comes along. Jogging along in a sea of the most garish pink imaginable, it was a pretty chill Sunday. We signed up for another. I wondered 'could mr xyz imagine that the Matt Dunne would be voluntarily running?'. Honestly, probably not. I'm not sure I could have seen it myself. It's nice when you end up surprised at where you go.
Sometimes when I'm running I recall that asinine speech and wonder if I'm taking the soft option. I think I probably am. But I like the soft option, it's calming, it's enjoyable, there's space for reflection and if I have an off day it doesn't really matter. I probably choose the soft option a bit more than the taskmaster deputy would think is smart, but he was just a miserable person, so who gives a shit what he thinks? Sometimes you learn a lot by seeing someone you just don't want to be like at all.
But the thing is, a bit of hardness is useful too. Overcoming that discomfort to cold email someone often gets good results (and gets easier), finding a way to breathe in and just get one with some things means life gets better and easier. You can't always find a less tricky way to get something done. It's good to be in a place to choose your approach.
Hardness is brittle sometimes, isn't it? The world, society, life - these can all be so hard - you can feel like you're smashing headfirst into a wall: something that you'll never be harder than. Sometimes a bit of softness helps you move through and move past things that are insurmountable. Sometimes a bit of hardness helps you grow, or gives you a minute to realise your initial response is sort of silly. I like the hardness of 'one foot in front of another' - it's almost a resignation to the need to keep up small efforts. I really believe in that. I'm glad I had people helping me grow a bit of a shell at times and now I can cope and deal with some of the discomforts that bugged me as a kid. I think we're all happy with that. I'm also happy that I like being softer sometimes too. I guess my point is: softness is under-rated, hardness is misunderstood.
But in general: I love the soft option - you're still trying and that's worth everything to me.