No Silver Bullets - money and art part 2 (fuck it!)
One of the things I want to do is show The Killing Sink in places that aren't Australia. To me, this seems like it would be a big step up and allow me to share things that are important to me with people who perhaps have never, and might not ever, think about life over here.
What makes this uniquely challenging is how ignorant and distant I am. If I think about Australia, I have a decent reference point for galleries, festivals, events, opportunities. I can probably ask a friend to introduce me to someone who knows someone, etc, etc, it's not that hard to get around any more. Doesn't guarantee any 'yeses' or anything like that, but at least it feels a bit more productive than it has in the past. I think the LinkedIn crowd call this networking, but really that doesn't quite capture what local knowledge means, to me at least in art that is.
Anyway, the past month or so I've been exploring can I exhibit this work overseas, how would I do that and would it actually be worth it? I've talked to a dozen friends, a few professional peers and one or two gatekeepers.
Still, there are no clear answers to these questions and attempts to seek clarity are very, very messy, and quite upsetting, really.
Let's unpack things a little, perhaps more for me than you.
"Can I exhibit the work overseas?" leads to the following answers:
Yes IF I'm willing to pay a high price and hire a private space (no thanks)
Yes IF I have a lot of funding (government money, which I don't have and won't get without a gallery saying 'yes')
Yes IF I'm willing to visit Europe, USA, Latin America in person, meet people in person and show your work in person AND they respond to it AND there's a suitable opportunity to exhibit it
Yes IF I can convince a gallery, festival or event to show the work (this is very, very hard without local knowledge)
What I can't find out is 'Is this work good enough that people will give a shit?'. I hope that if it is, people in positions to say 'yes' will see it and be excited to work with me, but every time I've reached out to someone overseas the response has been lukewarm. Still warm, but also kind of cold. Is it possible to convince a gallery, festival or event to show the work? I still don't know. But what I can see is a catch 22: you need money to get your foot in the door, but the money available only is given to people already inside. Very frustrating.
My friends overseas have been helpful and caring, but their response to me asking 'can I do this?' feels like a long version of 'it sucks here, don't try'.
It might be that my work isn't good enough, which would actually be relieving at this point in time. If someone just said 'hey this isn't good enough to be competitive' hey no worries, move on. But that's not what I'm being told.
"How would I actually get it exhibited? What would be the first step?"
Self fund a trip to Europe/USA and meet people face-to-face showing them my photos, of course not everyone will want to meet me, not everyone I meet will like the work, and not everyone I meet who likes the work will have an opportunity to show it. Sounds like an expensive disappointment parading as a holiday.
Send people copies of my book for free, maybe they like it and think of me, maybe they don't.
Build an example of an exhibition you want at my own cost, document it beautifully, email it as a PDF, see if anyone likes it (where the fuck can I do this? my bedroom?)
Apply to competitions and festival open calls, assuming my work fits the theme (which is usually doesn't), see how I go. Recently I was 'accepted' to a festival's "2nd round". I spent 30 Euros entering and it would cost another 80 Euros to enter the 2nd round. It's just money down the drain. For what? A chance? Literally a 1 in 100 chance of being exhibited (2nd round had 100 artists). Ooof.
Have friends in high places (yeah, right, from Australia, without summering in Europe?)
You can probably sense some frustration in my tone. I guess I'm a bit annoyed that me, someone with (I think) good work and a day job is more or less being advised to fly willy nilly to the most expensive part of the world for the chance to show people what I've made. Why the fuck did I publish a book if not partially for this reason? What bullshit advice is this? Do these people know how expensive it is? The Australians that do this, where is their money coming from for them to swan around Italy for a summer and attend 3 meetings? I feel barraged by peers who have done this recently, but it's insane to me. How can I convince my boss to let me take a month off? Would it be worth risking employment? What the actual fresh hell.
"Would it actually be worth it?"
Increasingly I'm thinking 'no' - there's so many mazes and games to play and so little certainty for success, and what would that success turn into? The art world is incredibly fickle and people who appear to be succeeding are often not actually making an income or achieving any security. We've all seen one-hit wonders come and go - and where did all that effort and touring get them apart from a small hit in 2011? When they are 40 or 50 what benefit will that have brought? Perhaps less than just staying and playing music in their garage on their own terms.
Truly, you and I can't win playing someone else's game. Trying to enter a small, expensive, restricted, elitist and questionably useful world just feels like there's no point. I'd probably have more fun pasting posters on my garage's wall and talking to my neighbors. Would cost less too.
Usually I'll do something if it interests me - that's enough. But I'm finding this experience incredibly dis-heartening. No one is telling me anything new and it seems to be almost a complete swing and a miss - one or two places have expressed soft interest, but they don't seem to get it: I literally have to come from the other side of the fucking world to work with you, could you give me a bit more? Do people understand how shitty it is flying 24 hours in economy internationally? It's the fucking worst.
I've heard for years that the art world is like this, I guess I was hoping if I did something good enough and worked politely and professionally some of this bullshit wouldn't get in my way. But you know what? That was just desperately naive.
I probably would have been in a better place taking the $ I've spent on contests, entries and a portfolio review (which isn't much, really) and spending it on gas station scratchies, at least then I might have made $50. Times like these, exploring options like these, hearing advice like this, it makes me doubt I'll ever make it, or even get close, or even be in the same continent of making it. I don't think my dreams are particularly selfish or impossible, but without financial backing what can you actually do? It seems like sweet fuck all.
A friend recently expressed surprise and (I think) delight that my dream is to be an artist, but this week it feels like a dream that's only possible if rich people in Europe or the USA green light me - and they won't until I'm their friend, so do I even want to be their friend?
Email me back if you want to rant about this stuff, sometimes it's nice and cathartic to have friends in on the nonsense. Watch me eat my words and in a year or something send an email 'I'm going to Europe'. Christ if that's the only way what on Earth will I do?
Less ranting and more love coming next week, promise.