Bad rock climbing
When I lived in Canberra a friend of mine from teaching said 'hey come rock climbing'. She is a really accomplished climber, as is her husband (Australia's foremost alpine rescue expert, former Churchill scholarship recipient) but at that time, after having two kids, it was a slow period for her. So she roped me in. Ever since I've been climbing most weeks. I'm not very good, though. I'm not into the culture too much, or the grinding, or trying to crack every problem. The people are friendly and I enjoy the exercise, but the whole scene gets a bit much.
Anyway, yesterday I was at a gym climbing and all I could think of was 'man I have been doing this for five years and I'm so bad at it'. Objectively, I am the lower-middle-class of climbers. I can do one level above where most beginners start and, on a good day, two levels above where most beginners start. Which, for five years of work, is pretty bad hey? It's almost remarkable how consistent my plateau is!
I find there's something kind of funny about this. In areas where you could see progress clearly, it's also a chance to reflect and think 'man I haven't progressed at all'. Yet, for me, I don't worry too much about it. At the end of the day I do the activity because I enjoy the feeling and I'm proud of myself for exercising. I'm not trying to be a great climber, just have something to do on a quiet Tuesday afternoon.
It seems to me, and this may just be me, that I have to put in quite deliberate effort to get better at something. Even if I'm doing it, regularly, I don't necessarily improve. I've climbed for, I don't know, something like 250 hours and yet I'm arguably not any better than I was after 25 hours. The extra practice is just, well, a flat line.
I've gotten to a point where the things I am trying to get better at feel quite natural. Not easy, per se, but there's no motivation issue. I want to be a better artist, and there are hard parts with that, but I don't need to give myself a pep talk to think about how to improve or try. I want to be a better cook and, again, there's no difficulty, I just do it and try and learn and push myself. I want to be a better writer, and writing consistently and trying new ways to do that, editing and all that is work, but it doesn't require that much like mental fortitude for me.
Then I think about other areas of my life where the trying feels much harder. I should want to be better at my day job, but I've plateaued there for sure, probably for 2-3 years. Every time I psych myself up to try and improve it's a sporadic fit and start then back to old habits and well worn routines. Why does it feel harder? Do I want it less? Is it a worse 'fit' for how I improve? Am I just a big old wuss? Who's to say?
I was interviewed recently and someone asked 'why get into publishing isn't it really hard?' and I sort of had to think 'how can I say 'no, it's not' without being glib?'. I guess what I'm getting at is that there isn't really like some absolute measure of difficulty, which is obvious, but what I find interesting is why are somethings effortless for me and why are other things just impossible? Especially when I feel I care about them. For example, I walk and read a lot - and those have never felt like difficult habits to have. When people talk about setting aside time for reading it stuns me, I just read. But then putting things away neatly is impossible for me - I have to remake my office like twice a week because it gets so messy.
Anyway, I've had my little open reflection - it's interesting why some things are easy and some things are hard, but it doesn't change much, does it? I'm still going to be a mediocre climber, a below average runner, a keen artist (of hopefully improving quality), someone who can make a great pasta and a slightly messy person. Oh and I'm terrible at filling out forms.